3000 Troubling Tresses (Chinese saying)

My hair is driving me nuts.

I was grumbling to my Mom the other day about why wasn't I born with straight hair. It was all Mom's fault. My flat-chestedness was her fault as well (but how come she and my two sisters are well-endowed with average-sized chests?). My bulging tummy also came from her genes, I reckon.

Go ahead. Slap me for blaming my Mom for all these. I'm only human. Everyone needs someone to blame. So shut up and stop your slapping palm in mid-air if you have done that.

Anyways, the focus of this entry is not on putting the blame on Mom. I don't dwell too much on stuff like that either. I was just grumbling for the sake of grumbling.

Back to my hair.

Sure, some people might say curly is nice (simply because they have dead straight hair, I bet). Well, as they say, opposites attract.

I wouldn't mind if my hair is wavy like those mat sallehs. It looks natural. Problem is, it curls at all the wrong places!! There's this tuft of hair near my crown that curls like a winding river, which makes it look like a hair job gone terribly wrong! The curly facade makes my hair looks like it hasn't been washed for a few days (although I tend to do that sometimes), which is utterly disgusting.

I've gone for rebonding but well, it will grow out too. I also hate the restrictions of rebonding which includes not having my hair tied up when I want to. It will leave marks. And of course I wouldn't want that since I've spent hundreds of ringgit on it, right?

That leaves me with no choice but a stagnant hairstyle, which makes me look like Sadako. People expect me to climb out from a well or tv anytime. How would that make you feel, huh?

Worse, hairstylists are often reluctant to indulge me in a new hairstyle after I have my tresses straightened in fear of stick-out hair. I've always liked those really short hairstyle that makes a girl looks refreshing and playful. But they won't do it on rebonded hair, and who am I kidding? It would be insane to cut off those RM200++ hair! And now that my face is getting rounder, I can't even imagine myself in those incredibly short hairstyles anymore!

I love bobs too. But bobbed hair often requires straight and sleek hair, which yours truly do not possess. I can't even have bangs! Rebonding doesn't help because no one wants to do it for me anyway. So don't rebond, you say? Hello....!! As it is now, rebonding-free, it looks like strays from a horse's tail!

And no, I ain't going for rebonding anymore. My hair's falling out in staggering quantity. Hell no, I don't wanna be bald before I'm 30 years old, or ever! Most of those gone bald are men, I don't wanna be the minority in women. Nah, I don't wanna be that special!

Speaking of which, almost 90% of Chinese are straight-haired. Why am I the fucking 10% condemned by curly hair??

Hum + Drum

I've been ranting about my humdrum life for a while now.

I think another one of my acquaintances just got herself accepted by an airline as air stewardess. Geez, seems like everyone I know has what it takes except me, myself and I.

It's very daunting since I am seldom faced with rejection like this. Of course, since I tend to abandon a pursuit if I deem it too difficult to reach. I'm one of those people who don't really care about anything as long as the sky doesn't come crashing down. Hmmm...come to think of it, even if it does, I doubt I would care much either.

As a Chinese saying goes,"If the sky falls, use it as a blanket."

Haha.

Wonder what I would become when I'm 50 years old? What would I have accomplished? Will I be happy? Will I be rich or ditchy poor? How many kids would I have? How many and what kinda properties will I own? Would I be able to look back and point out the things I've done that really make myself proud to be me? Or will I be terribly ashamed?

More than anything, I hope to be with the ones I love and be happy. Yeah I know it sounds corny, I would have scorned at the thought 2 years back. But age is a funny thing that transforms an individual. At different stages of our lives, it's natural for us to crave for different needs.

I don't ask for a lot. Financial-wise, I just hope I don't have to worry about money that much, although a reasonable amount of fretting is okay. I really do hope to see the world while I'm still young, when I still have the rush and the drive.

Gee, what am I talking about now? So bored that I can't help but keep on babbling about humdrum stuff that comes with my equally humdrum life.

K, don't worry. Signing off now.

Hello..?

Life sucks.

Tomorrow is national holiday and I ain't got anything planned. No one wants to talk to me on MSN either. Either that or people who can talk are all offline.

What is my life turning into?

Only fortunate thing is Shyan's coming over tonight.

Things are definitely not going my way these days. I'm turning into a grumpy old woman.
No hopes, no dreams, no life.

Need help.

I desperately need a shot of excitement in my life. But all I get is shit, shit and more shit.

Geez, geez...

Weird...

When I was in primary school, I had this really psychotic desire to see young children being abused. Don't ask me, I don't know why either. To put it more aptly, inflicting the abuse upon them myself would make me even more excited.

Curiousity, I guess. I wanted to know exactly how they will react to the assault. I would try to run mental images of how it happens in my mind over and over. Nah, I don't just imagine it on just anyone but really adorable kids. Pretty maniacal, I would say *dry laugh*.

This weird habit stretched itself well into my teens. Well, at least I know I'm abnormal. Unlike those GENUINELY crazy people who think they're normal. But I guess it's all the same in those so-called normal people's minds anyway. So we'll just leave it at that.

Somewhere in the middle, my baby brother came into the picture. He used to be such a cute little toddler! He actually looked a bit mat salleh when he was younger. But geez, how he grew up to be such a brat is really beyond me.

And yeah, I have imagined myself inflicting cruel deeds on him. However, with what little of my sanity left, I was able to control myself into keeping the imagination as what it is and never lead it into reality. Gotta keep your fantasy and reality worlds apart. That's very important.

But I really feel sorry for my bro cos he is affected by hyperactivity. He can't concentrate so although he's already 15 years old, his mental knowledge is still like a 10-year-old because he couldn't learn anything in school. And fuck those so-called teachers who only care for good students and turn the other way when they encounter a weak one. All they could suggest was asking my parents to change him to another school..and another...and another...

It's just their way of trying to save their sorry little asses from getting involved in a difficult teaching position. Yeah, they're teachers all right! They teach of how to mind only your own business and let the weak die away as far as they can.

Deviation.

Heck, I'm no better. I would yell at my little bro when I really couldn't stand him and beat him with rotan sometimes. But not too hard, of course. I wouldn't want him to get injured, will get a good bashing from my parents as well.

Gotta understand this, I was a hotheaded teenager stuck with a kid brother who became the main barrier between me and my social life. I would have been ok if he didn't come disturbing me.

I always felt remorseful after shouting and hitting him with the rotan. Then I would try to talk some sense into him as gently as I could. He never learnt.

Fortunately, he's older and wiser now, albeit still a bit irritating sometimes. But we seldom meet because I'm too lazy 2 get my ass down to JB, so we are definitely on better terms now. Age really does make a person better (some people anyway). I can better suppress my anger now, so no more of those yelling matches.

And oh, about the physical abuse story I started with, I don't have that anymore. I think I'm becoming an empty shell as the years advance.

Which is worse?

Being a psycho or an empty shell?

Gimme a chance, baby...

I don't think I'm given a chance this time, either.

Sent in the application last week, just one day before the closing date because it's been a long time since I last logged on to the SIA website. Daunted from my last attempt I guess.

So this time I just chucked everything in and pressed the send button.

Whatever comes, comes.

I think I'm disappointed once again. What exactly went wrong? Just what are they looking for? I dunno. Seems like nobody knows for sure, either.

Anyways, I didn't get my hopes up too high this time, in case I get rejected again. Guess I'm fine then.

Am doing overtime now in the office. Just wrapped up everything. Will have to tie up the loose ends tomorrow then.

Spent a fraction of my time uploading my photos for Emirates and checking through my application to make sure everything is correct.

Crossing my fingers. But try not to get too excited. Mind you, I'm good at that.

If it fails this time again, I'll keep on trying until I simply don't give a fucking damn anymore.

Better than not trying at all.

Fools...

Sometimes I put myself in situations that embarass myself. This time is no difference.

Why don't I ever learn? Blame it on my ever-optimistic character.
They say fools never learn. Guess I'm a fool then.

Cheers to all the fools in the world!

You might not know who you are, or you don't wanna know, or you don't know yet. Cheers, anyway.

They also say fools never get flu. Therefore, we are safe during SARS, people.

Bloody invasion

I consider blood is organic (it is, right??). Pardon me but I flunked my Physics and Chemistry back in high school. My Biology was average, though. Okay, anyway, as you can tell, I'm no rocket scientist.

Okay, so blood is organic. In Islam (I dunno about other religions, pardon my ignorance), menses blood is seen as dirty and unpure. Well, probably because it's something unwanted purged out by the body. Therefore, Muslim women who are menstruating can't get anywhere near the mosque and they can't fast (they're losing blood already, if they fast, they're seriously gonna die, if you ask me). If you think about it, it's correct, nothing wrong with that.

But they have another rule - women are required to thoroughly wash their sanitary pads clean before they dispose of it. Now I find that rather incredulous. But who am I to criticize. I'm not here to criticize on sensitive issues like that, don't worry. Just want you to know that my follwing idea stems from this particular rule.

Again, blood is organic (okok stop finding used bloody pads to throw at me). A saying came to me quite naturally.

Earth to Earth, Dust to Dust.

Shouldn't we return organic stuff back to the Earth? No, I'm not a Greenpeace or WWF member, in case you're wondering. I might see people burning down forests and think,"Ooh, that's insane", and see poachers cutting tusks from still-breathing elephants and go,"Geez, that's cruel", but I'm not so noble and environmental-savvy that I would go supporting those cause by joining them.

K, I'm deviating, sorry.

I was thinking, who knows, maybe those menses blood that they scrub off so slaverishly every month might be loaded with nutrients (not yet scientifically-proven but think about it, possible, right?). If so, maybe we can use it as fertilizer then? Again, the saying can be aptly utilized here. We will be literally doing just that!

My friend suggested I should actually get a patent for that. Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have blogged it in case someone else steals my idea? OK, I shall think about it then.

However, as always, my smart little brain was working overtime to come up with innovative ideas that will benefit mankind in the times to come. Images came swarming.

Imagine putting your wife's used sanitary pads at the base of your potted plants every month. Of course there will be a fishy smell! But your plants will grow up strong and beautiful and your garden will be the envy of your neighbourhood! Think about it! And of course your wife's supply's not gonna satisfy all your plants' needs. Yeah, I understand you love gardening. Well, go ahead and get supplies from your mother (if she hasn't hit menopause), daughters, sisters (but maybe their partners have lush gardens too).

Sooner or later, everyone will wanna know about your gardening secrets and you would have to spill the beans at the end of the day. But as more and more people know about it, demand will override supply.

Therefore, factories will be built and multinational conglomerates like P&G would wanna go into this most lucrative business of the century. After all, the manufacturing costs is next to nothing. These factories will hire any women who menstruate as their raw material provider.

Now, this will create a damn lot of work opportunities in the world. Students can work part-time and they merely need to keep all their used pads and send them to the factory to earn extra income. Female beggars will use their begged money to buy pads to store their supplies and send them to the factories later. In short, used pads will become a valuable asset. And women won't feel so stressed during that time of the month anymore since they benefit from it.

Eventually, business would be so good you will see whole fleets transferring the finished product and distributing them all over the world. Can you imagine that? Glorious!

As a good innovator, I have to analyze the pros as well as the cons.

What if plants get too accustomed to the taste of blood? Do you get what I mean? They might evolve into vampire plants! Mutation!

Like the kera sumbang (did I get that right?) in Sabah. They capture insects using their cup-shaped thingy and digest the insects with acids.

Do you remember during science class the teacher talked about how plants will move towards their source of nutritions like sunlight and water? Their stems will grow and climb to reach it. What if the plants start devouring humans?

Now think Little House of Horrors.

See, I'm taking the welfare of human beings into consideration as well.

Naw, I don't think I will apply for that patent, Hui Yee. I'll think of something better next time.

I Ain't No 2nd Class Yo!

The other day, I was going home from work by LRT as usual and an incident happened that reminded me of the infamous Malaysian culture.

As usual, the trains were all packed during rush hour. A Malay guy was standing near the door and there was still some loose space behind him. He could have backed a little to make room for me if he wanted. However, he just stood there holding onto the hand strap overhead and didn't budge an inch. I thought, "Oh well, I'll wait for the next train then," since I wasn't rushing for anything.

Seconds before the door closed, a geeky but smiley and skinny plus not-so-tall Mat Salleh came by and spoke in Malay, "Boleh masuk?". His pronunciation was impeccable.

Well, all of us were duely entertained. It even drew a curve up the lips of some of the passengers while I was stifling a giggle myself.

Immediately, the guy who was too lazy to budge backed away and made a nice little space for the Mat Salleh. I was the only one left outside the door. Heck, seemed like I was being ostracized. One of the female passengers looked at me.

Geez, I was thinking, "And here it is - the Western-worship behaviour of Malaysians rearing its ugly head."

I felt like a second-class citizen in my own country! Funny!

Or was it because the Mat Salleh could integrate himself into our culture and language that they treated him differently? I really dunno.

Talk about double standards.

Family vs Work

I know I'm a rather selfish person.

But when it comes to family, I would try to be obliging even though I don't really feel like doing certain things that I'm required to do. Sometimes things are beyond my control because I have other obligations, say, work.

Unfortunately, my mother can't seem to understand this.

She came to live with me in KL in July for a month. She was here to sell her homemade ointments. I feel sorry, actually, that I as a daughter, can't provide her with a more comfortable life.

During that period, I had a strong feeling that my life was being interrupted in an unbearable way. I was being selfish. Perhaps I've been living on my own for too long now. I've had the freedom for too long that a motherly visit from home makes me feel like my privacy is being compromised.

Anyway, she was here to take care of the land grant of my partially-mentally-disabled uncle's house in Kajang as well. Yeah, my other relatives on my mother's side were all useless as hell. Even though they are staying right here, nobody gives a damn about it. They could have helped with just a turn of their hands. One of them even works near the Kajang Land Office, for God's sake!

My mother can't really speak Malay nor English. Therefore, she needed someone to go with her to the Malay-infested office. She didn't tell me about it. After introducing herself to my housemates, she asked the friend of one of my housemates to accompany her to Kajang the next day. The friend was staying at our house at the time because he was looking for a job in KL (he's from Sabah and he's still looking for a job).

Thing is, I barely knew this guy.

I was rather indignant when I heard of this. I accused my mother of trying to ruin my social life. Well, imagine your mom asking a someone you barely know to go all the way from KL to Kajang with her, what will that person think? Moreover, he's my housemate's friend. What will my housemate think?

My mom simply replied that he could have said no if he didn't want to go, and she was certain he wouldn't hold it against an old lady like her. I reminded her that she was putting the guy in a difficult situation to reject her. See, if you are in the guy's shoes, would you have the heart to say no to an old woman even if you don't really wanna go? That's an invasion into the life of a person who has absolutely nothing to do with us.

Mom answered the guy had nothing to do anyway since he hasn't found a job yet and he had no interview that day. I retorted that the guy might have other plans for himself, maybe something he enjoys doing like playing computer games at the net cafe. Whatever it is, he had no obligations to help us.

I wouldn't mind if it were just a small favour. But going all the way to Kajang sounds like a huge one to me.

Coincidentally, I had nothing much on my hands at work at that time. Therefore, I told her I would try to apply leave in the next couple of days.

Luckily, my application was approved.


* * *

On Monday, I received a call from the land officer informing me to go get the grant that we applied for. I told mom about it and she hoped I could go with her too this time.

But I'm chock-full of work this weeks so I said I can't make it this time. Moreover, the grant is ready so I thought there isn't much that needed to be done. I advised her to go with one of my cousins here in KL. She promised she would.

Then this morning she called up again asking me to go with her next Monday. She didn't ask the cousin for some reasons I can't state here. I told her I can't, my work might stretch well into the middle of next week. By now I was getting really frustrated.

I told her to stop forcing me. I have to work too. I have my own life.

"How can you say that? You're not helping anyone else but your mom," she said.

That did it. I was in the office, my boss was talking to my AD next ot me and it took all my self-discipline not to lose control.

"Of course I would want to help you finish that up too but at this point in time, I really can't!" I said.

We talked a bit more and ended the conversation.

After a few minutes, feeling guilty, I called her up and said, in a calmer tone that I couldn't make it next Monday. If she wants me to go, just come to KL first and wait till I am more available. She said she called up the officer and probably like I said, there's not much to do. But she's just worried because she couldn't speak Malay.

In the end, we agreed play it by the ear.


* * *

I really feel like I'm being pulled in different directions here. Work and family. But the situation could have been drastically different, if only she would ask one of the relatives for help. Ok, I know they're all useless as shit but coulda try, at least. I could help her too, if only she gave me time to settle my work.

I feel so guilty but at the same time angry for all that had happened.

King of Fruits

Can you believe it...I actually opened a durian last night by myself!

No, make it two.

Haha, I've never done that before and since my housemate, Jane, brought lotsa durians, mangosteens and rambutans from home (I think her family has a fruit orchard back home), I just thought I would give it a try. Moreover, I waited and waited but no one else came home so I just dug in first.

Gotten quite a few wounds on my right palm now. There were two that drew blood last night and one that seemingly came out of nowhere.

It was fun opening a durian. Hah, now I can brag to my friends I opened one! Yeah I know I'm silly, so be it.

Only thing was I had to eat the durians alone. I called Lih Lin but she couldn't come last night so I saved some for her to take home tonight.

If Shyan was there, he would definitely cover his nose and say the durian is smelly! Haha!

Here it comes again

It comes in a sudden realization of horror.

Sometimes you don't even notice until moments, or even, days later.

A stinging pain follows next.

Tiny cracks of red ooze from the skin, slowly spreading across the fine lines like river.

The red river will finally stop at some point, where the stream stops growing, unless you have a real deep one.



Paper cuts.



That's what I was babbling about.

It's quite a common sucker in my line of profession, where you are involved in the process of doing mock-ups of artworks when necessary.

It happened almost every day during my last job, whereby my company prints namecards, brochures, leaflets, etc. After I print, I was required to cut the print-outs into the intended size.

Imagine the cuts I got from those days. Every day.

Even if I was lucky enough to evade the ruthless attack of the modern papyrus, the blade would think of ways to come and get at me (my hands, to be more exact).

So it was quite common that when the cut wasn't too deep, I wouldn't even realize it until a few days later. I would wonder and instantly guess where I got that from.

I seldom get it on my current job, however.



Now fast forward back to the present, which was a few moments ago.

I was doing a mock-up for a client, therefore the usual cutting, pasting and folding.

After I cut off the excess paper, I pulled it away from underneath to be discarded into the wastebasket.

The edge slid across the flesh between my thumb and index finger.

No feeling of pain yet. But I was too experienced in this and was anticipating the subsequent sting.

Waited.

And waited.

Blood was spreading out. I sucked it.

Still no pain.

More blood.

Okay, I'm going to the sink to wash it. Just let me feel some pain so I know I'm still alive, ok?

Placed the affected area under running water.

Where is the pain?

Gradually, I could feel it coming from under my skin.

Damn.

I still have to finish the mock-up. Red stream was still spreading.
I tore a piece from the toilet roll and wedged it between my thumb and index.

Continued cutting and pasting.

Hate paper cuts.

Gila Monster

It's official.

I'm being deserted on MSN by my friends on August 4, 2006.

No one wanted to speak to me. And when they did, it was just a couple of hmmms and ahhhs. Or else it would be a question they wanted to ask me and after I answered them, they just vanished into thin air without bading me goodbye!

Hrrrmmmpphhh! Am I such a loser?

Yeah, I assume I am for blogging such nonsense.

It was a huge impact on my self-esteem, you know.

The confidence of an innocent little girl crushed at such a young age, what would become of her? Oh, poor darling!

Yeah yeah I know I'm being over-drama-queening here, I know.
Just bear with me for a while more before I wrap up with this mid-life crisis I'm going through ya.

I seriously think I'm going absolutely bonkers. Lately, I keep thinking that someone is having a crush on me. I don't know is it just all in my head or is it real. Geez, it's probably my imagination then.

Tornado Weekend

My weekend had been a whirlwind of activities and I could barely catch up with it!

Friday felt like the worst day of my life and I broke down. It was really ironic because the things that happened would have otherwise been great but given the circumstances that day, too many good things in one day is a sure formula for disaster! I ain't gonna relate all the things that happened to me because you will just think I'm being whiny. Even I myself feel it was no big deal, really, it confuses me even as to how things turned out so bad.

I only had a bad day and I was whining like hell, but it turned out that Shyan had a whole bad week at work, no, make that ever since he started working in that large company. Well, big company, big politics, all backstabbers. But he still managed to put on a big smile for me, therefore I thought I should just stop drama-queening.

Luv ya lots, lao gong!

Then on Saturday, I went for the Qatar Airways interview which started at 9am at Crowne Plaza Hotel, KL. I already knew roughly what to expect from what I read on cabincrew.com and Penny's advices. However, it was still a bit unnerving to arrive and see all these really good-looking men and women in the hall, all waiting to enter the ballroom which may just be the start of their high-flying dreams. I could tell many of them are not first-timers to these interviews. Geez, most of them look like cabin crews but even they haven't got in after multiple attempts, what chance do I have against that? But I thought of Jacqueline and thought, "Since she could do it, I probably could too." Anyway, I didn't think I would get selected this time round.

The ballroom door opened and all of us filed into the room eagerly. I made acquaintance with the girl next to me named Amy. She's from JB too and she came all the way from JB to KL for the weekend because she didn't know there was another interview on the same day in Singapore. Oh, I loved her rosy pink complexion! She's actually 28 this year but she sure doesn't look it. Her resemblance to one of my college lecturers, Ms. Joanne Teh, was uncanny. They could have passed for sisters, if not twins! Maybe she was selected, I dunno, since we didn't exchange any contacts. But she looked good enough to be a CC.

I even met Si Qi, who was my course mate in college. She was wearing a business suit as well, suited her. She had always given me the impression of being demure and lady-like. She spotted me first - I was sitting right in front of her! And we exchanged phone numbers. Currently, she's working in Subang as a secretary. Well, I guess Graphic Design doesn't really work in Malaysia. Most of my course mates back in college had given up on this field to embrace better opportunities. Yours truly is gonna be one of them soon, in case you're wondering. But I need to figure out what I can do next, if I really can't get myself into a good airline, then I'd have to think of another way out.

And so the open day continued and it was time to submit our resumes and photos. There were 2 interviewers collecting them, unfortunately, my group had got an austere-looking one so it was quite unnerving. After submitting my stuff, I went home at about 12.20pm. Hmmm, still had a lot of time left before Che Wei came to fetch us for the Port Dickson trip. I went home and had a nap but I woke up after only an hour or so, anxious for the Qatar call. Every time someone calls me, I wanted to hang up because I thought I would miss their call.

As expected, no call from Qatar for me. So I thought, what the heck, I didn't have to worry about rushing back from PD tomorrow! Another way to console myself, I guess. But what more can I do, right? Might as well have fun with my friends first! I sms Si Qi, seemed like she didn't get through too. See, what the interviewers are looking for is totally beyond me! I thought she might get through!

Che Wei came to fetch me, Cheryl and Evelyn at 5.30pm. We met up with Wai Kiat and the others at a petrol station near the Sungai Besi toll and we were on our way to have FUN!

We were having the BBQ at Corus. Weng Soon, his GF and Wan Sek were already there setting up all the necessities. Gotta give credit to Weng Soon this time because he had everything ready for us.

Party started!!!

I had lotsa fun fooling around with them. So lucky to have them as my group mates in college! Unlike other tutorial groups, ours was the most united one. Almost all of us do everything together, whereas other groups move around in cliques. Needless to say, we were the envy of other groups because we always seemed to have so much fun, although other groups would be least likely to admit it. We are still the envy of my other friends because our group still keeps in contact after TWO whole years of graduating! In fact, we are having another yumcha session this Saturday.

After we finished makan-makan, we packed up and left for Glory, where we would be spending the night at. The condition of the 2-bedroom apartment was excellent! It even had a VCD player! All thanks to Ai Leen, who helped arrange for our accomodation. She's a PD local and the apartment belongs to her friend's friend so she got the house at only RM140 per night!

It was a day after Cheryl's birthday so Weng Soon bought a cake for her. Ping Yit even came all the way from KL to give her a surprise. PY and Co. only stayed for a while then made their way to Corus to get a room for the night. After eating the cake, me, Cheryl, Jaan Hoong, Wan Hoon and Willeon went for a seaside walk. We really shouldn't have left the others at home.

Here's why.

The guys were sprawled across the living room floor when we returned. They were zzz-ing away like pigs, I tell you! So much for the fun-filled PD weekend they promised! We had no choice, so me and Wan Hoon went to sleep. Wan Hoon was complaining about how boring the trip was compared to our last Xmas trip, which she missed. Well, she spotted the picture of Boon Fei morphing into a transvestite and it was damn funny!

And now, the guys were sleeping like dead logs, imagine her dismay! I tried waking them up, not really hard, I admit. I pulled at Sze Foong's blanket, jumped a bit on the cushions Wai Kiat was sleeping on, made some noise in front of the other guys' room, but to no avail. So I gave up and went to sleep. Fucking freezing, I tell you!

First night in PD went just like that.

Second day, we checked out and went to the beach. Geez, this is getting long winded! I might as well make it short.

Jaan Hoong surprised (and disgusted) us in his swimming trunks! Thank God he didn't wear the brief type! I didn't get into the water because I was menstruating and was worried that there wouldn't be anywhere to shower. But I was destined to get wet, I guess, since I went on the speed boat and was splashed by a wave as I was getting down.

Okay, I'm so lazy to write now. Just wanna say that I really enjoyed myself, although not as much as last Xmas. Hope next time we can go to Pulau Perhentian together, guys!

Is this for real?!?

Read Penny's blog yesterday. I'm really worried for her. She sounded like she was gonna commit suicide! I certainly hope her head would clear a little before she attempts anything silly. But there's nothing I can do - I have no other ways to contact her except via emails, her blog and my blog. I've never even met her. But she has helped me a great deal in understanding the whole airline interview process.

She's only 21 years old this year. By God's grace, please don't let anything bad happen to her. She's so very kind but just too pessimistic about the situation around her. Can't blame her, though. She was this close to becoming an air stewardess, her lifelong dream, and suddenly had everything taken from her with just a medical report.

To make matter worse, she had issues with her family, namely her sister and her relationship with her boyfriend is slowly disintegrating.

However, being the ever-hopeful person that I am, I still believe there has got to be some way around it for Penny. After all, problems and pressure come from our own mind.

Yeah I know some of you out there would probably say I'm not in her shoes so how can I say that. But hurting yourself is NOT the way to end things. You'll only make yourself even more miserable. And hurting yourself will also hurt the people who care for you. Unless you tell me you're a self-fanatic freak who doesn't gives a shit to what happens to the people who care for you, then please be my guest and do whatever you want with your miserable life. No offence here to anyone.

I just don't wanna see a nice person throwing away her life that way is all.

By the way, I've posted a coupla comments and saw others commenting as well but Penny still hasn't replied and there is no new entry coming from her. I really hope she's fine.

What's in a name

Was talking to my secondary classmate, Hui Yee, and we talked about my nicknames during that time. Whoa, I get called all sorts of names! But not in a cruel way, it was all because of my real name, actually. People who know me should know my full name. Now link it with these nicks;

OUCH - I hate this. Everytime someone is hurt, I'd think they were calling me.
TAUGE - Means BEAN SPROUT in Malay
GIGI - N. It's not the common English name, it means TEETH in Malay.
OGI

Then after I got my English name;

O DA LI
TALI
TALIBAN
TEDDY BEAR

Seems like no matter what I'm called, nicknames always keep close to me, huh?

I was even called "fei mao tui" (mandarin), which is the name of a flying missile when I was in primary school. They claimed it was because I ran really fast back then.

I'm really bored so that's it for now then.

Hmmm...

I'm so rajin today. Last night, I made a couple of egg and chilli tuna sandwiches and kept them in the fridge. This morning, I have one of the healthiest and most fulfilling breakfasts in the world! Believe me, I couldn't finish my mee hoon soup at lunch because I was still too full. But then again, I had breakfast at around 10.30am in the office, might as well call it brunch.

A new guy came to work today at our office, since Eric left, like, 2 months ago. He's very skinny, has a clear complexion, KLite. Lives in Jln Ipoh. Hey, stop, I'm not trying to dupe you into thinking he's good looking, coz he's not.

I'm not sure whether I like this new co-worker of mine. But I have a feeling he won't stay long. Let's wait and see if my sixth sense is right.

Well, during lunch today, me, Kenny, Nazha and the new guy, named Foong, went to 21 Carrots. Foong said he's going to buy something. So off he went and came back 15 minutes later with a white plastic bag. Nazha asked him what he'd bought. He replied that he went to buy some fruits. And he didn't order any food, he said fruits are enough, since he'd eaten in the morning already.

Moreover, food here are really expensive, I tell ya! From my conversation with him, I have the vague feeling that he was realizing this company wasn't really what he wants. After chatting for a while, Foong got up again and said he was gonna buy something else. It was 10 minutes to two. So the rest of us continued chatting until 2 o'clock but Foong still wasn't back. Then we thought we had better return to the office first. I picked up the white plastic bag.

"Apa kat dalam tu?" Nazha asked.

"Tak tahu la," I replied while taking a look into the bag.

A half-eaten green mango (the extremely sour kind, I don't know what you call it in English), a bent-up polystyrene tray and a small pack of plum powder.

"Sampah ke?" Nazha asked again.

"Ya lah," I answered, a bit disgusted.

Well, maybe I was just being a busybody. But why the hell did he bring a bag of rubbish back there just to put it on the table? Weird.

After paying for our meals at the counter, we still didn't see him anywhere. On the way back, I was thinking quietly to myself, could he possibly have gone back to the office, packed his bag and left already, finally deciding this isn't for him after all?

We pushed open the office door and Mala was looking at us weird.

"Mala, we had lost the new guy!" Nazha told her.

"Right you are! He's inside now. How did you lose him?" Mala said.

We all looked at each other. Nazha and Kenny proceeded to the studio but I stayed behind and related the whole incident to Mala.

"So, you see, we didn't lose him. He lost himself!" I explained.

"Hmmm...maybe we should give him more time to blend in with us," Mala advised in a motherly manner, trying to give him the benefit of the doubt.

Sounds okay with me. I haven't discovered anything else wrong with him so far, aside from his strange gesture during lunch. I certainly hope he isn't as weird as I thought him to be.

Face off

One thing that really worries me about the interview with SIA and any other airlines is my skin. It's not really bad but it does have blemishes here and there. And from all the air stewardess pics I've seen, all of them have clear complexions. What's more, I also heard that they do check you on your complexion in these interviews! *Sigh*

Some of them even go to the extent of checking if you have body odour! Namely in the armpit area! How? I don't think I need to elaborate on that! I believe there are not many ways in determining that right? Where smell is concern, there's only you and your nose, put it up against the armpit and smell...and remember, it's the interviewers' noses up your armpits!

Smell tests in a perfume lab

Geez, being an air stewardess does need to be almost perfect.

I've taken a head and shoulders as well as a full length shot at Cheryl's house on Friday night. It was late, I tell you. I went to her house at around 11pm and we wrapped up at 1am. Well, we had to make my face up and decide what to wear. So I think that was pretty fast.

And the best thing about that was we actually had fun! Although we were both really tired but we were mucking around and taking funny shots as well. Then on Saturday and Sunday, I touched up the selected pix so that it looks like we had it taken in a studio. Haha, knowing how to use Photoshop really comes in handy sometimes! But my touch up skills are not that good so the background colour probably looks a bit fake, though. Cheryl is better in it cos she worked in a company that specializes in photo retouching last time. Shoulda asked her to do it but I don't wanna trouble her anymore.

Hey, Cheryl, thank you for helping me in this!

So now I only need ta upload the pictures to complete my application to Qatar and Emirates. But I guess I would have to let go of Qatar this time cos their Open Day is on 22/7 and I'm going to Port Dickson with my friends! I would really love to attend the interview but what to do, I've already made the plans with my friends since last month. No sense in "putting aeroplanes" now right? Man, I'm not a pilot! So I gotta let it go...*sob sob*

Friends are more important! That's right, keep tellin' meself that and be content! What's more, this trip is also in conjunction of celebrating Cheryl's birthday.

Back to my face...I'm having a beauty routine going on now but my face never seems to be completely clear of blemishes. Geez, help me God! Although I'm an atheist, but I do believe in a higher being when I absolutely need to, haha!

What the heck! I'll just go out and try it out first, whatever happens, happens! And if they don't happen, I'll make them happen!

Yiioshe! Ganbalimasu!

The Monotony of Life...*YAWN*

While browsing randomly through other blogs, a revelation suddenly dawned on me like, "Eh?!".

It reminded me of how different I am now from when I was in secondary school. Back then, I had an opinion on everything (not that I don't now). I would let everyone know about my opinions just to set myself apart from the rest. Difference is, I realize in recent years, I have taken to the back seat. I still have a lot of things to say but sometimes I choose not to say it or I'm simply too lazy to do so. Well, sometimes it's hard to relate and explain to others what I feel, especially now that I've lost my flair with words. Haha.

If blogs were invented during my seconday school days, I bet you anything I would be the first one to really go in on it. But then again, I didn't have Internet access, not that I have now. Only places I get it are my office and cyber cafes.

Okay, back to the topic. Now I'm only left with what little strength I have to browse through other people's blogs. These days, I just don't care about anything anymore. I mean, every day is just the same old working day in the no-day-or-night office, how am I suppose to have anything to comment about that. Generally, my life has become humdrum as opposed to the adventure-packed days I had in school. *Yawn*

That's why I would really love to become an air stewardess. It would be an experience to treasure for life, not to mention the more than promising salary that comes with it. And most importantly, I don't wanna go through life in the manner that I do now. Every day is the same and the monotony makes you unable to differentiate one day from the next!

Nowadays, I don't even remember what I had eaten or wore the day before! I used to have pretty good memory but now it's gone. I guess my smart little brain has interpreted that since every day is the same, there is nothing worthy to be remembered so it simply discards whatever that isn't needed, huh?

Desperation...

Penny is a girl who answered my question related to being an SIA cabin crew on cc.com. It seems she got through the final stage of the interview and is ready to start realizing her dream any time now. It wasn't without effort, however. She had tried many times in the past before she can get to where she is now. Therefore, she really does deserve this and I'm happy for her (although we barely know each other).

Meanwhile, I'm feeling down and insecure because I've just found out that she probably applied to the same SIA ad as me. Did I mention anywhere in this blog that I applied for the position end of May this year? Well, it seems that my application didn't even get through the online screening process. Sigh! There's probably something wrong with my resume. Or my experiences aren't what they're looking for.

I received an email from them asking me to complete an online assessment. But every time I click on it, it just says I've already done it. Is this where the problem is? I honestly do not know.

According to Penny, SIA don't conduct open interviews. If that's the case, I don't think I'll ever be able to become an air stewardess with SIA. Hrmph! However, I frequently see SIA posting interview announcements on their website. If all interviews are by invitations only via email, they wouldn't have a reason to do that, right? I just hope there are other ways.

Hell, they haven't even seen me in person, I just want to be given an equal chance as everyone else. If I can't make it, then so be it. But I haven't even had a chance to know if I can make it or not! Guess I can only pray and pray that they will conduct an open interview in Malaysia soon. Hopefully in KL.

On 1 & 2 July, SIA had actually conducted an open interview in Singapore. I didn't go since it was too sudden. And it's damn hard to get holidays from my boss. Therefore, I'm stuck here in KL thinking up possibilities of what would happen if I had gone.

My biggest regret about this is that I didn't do it earlier. I should have done it last year when I was in between jobs. I was such a coward then. And the year before that. And well, I guess I didn't really know of a channel to get into it.

SIA used to advertise openly in The Star for their cabin crew vacancies. It was easier but I haven't had the courage to apply then. I didn't think I was good enough. But now it feels like they are doing it in a hush-hush kinda way.
Why? I wonder.

Worst thing is, I don't think I have much time left since I'm already 23 this year. How many times can I go on trying? So help me God!

Which Malaysian Blogger Am I?

Congratulations Tallibeth, you are...

Joyce the Fairy of xanga.com/kinkybluefairy

If you are a car, your fuel of choice would be unleaded alcohol. You are a major party animal with an unnatural obsession with art, toys and all things fantasy. You think the world is too complicated and you wished it could be as simple as it was when you were 7 years old. You live with it. You work hard, but you don't take for granted the simple things in life that make you happy. Sweet candy, cartoon music, crazy friends, all these and more make you a happy person living in your own little world.

Which Malaysian Blogger Are You?