Family vs Work

I know I'm a rather selfish person.

But when it comes to family, I would try to be obliging even though I don't really feel like doing certain things that I'm required to do. Sometimes things are beyond my control because I have other obligations, say, work.

Unfortunately, my mother can't seem to understand this.

She came to live with me in KL in July for a month. She was here to sell her homemade ointments. I feel sorry, actually, that I as a daughter, can't provide her with a more comfortable life.

During that period, I had a strong feeling that my life was being interrupted in an unbearable way. I was being selfish. Perhaps I've been living on my own for too long now. I've had the freedom for too long that a motherly visit from home makes me feel like my privacy is being compromised.

Anyway, she was here to take care of the land grant of my partially-mentally-disabled uncle's house in Kajang as well. Yeah, my other relatives on my mother's side were all useless as hell. Even though they are staying right here, nobody gives a damn about it. They could have helped with just a turn of their hands. One of them even works near the Kajang Land Office, for God's sake!

My mother can't really speak Malay nor English. Therefore, she needed someone to go with her to the Malay-infested office. She didn't tell me about it. After introducing herself to my housemates, she asked the friend of one of my housemates to accompany her to Kajang the next day. The friend was staying at our house at the time because he was looking for a job in KL (he's from Sabah and he's still looking for a job).

Thing is, I barely knew this guy.

I was rather indignant when I heard of this. I accused my mother of trying to ruin my social life. Well, imagine your mom asking a someone you barely know to go all the way from KL to Kajang with her, what will that person think? Moreover, he's my housemate's friend. What will my housemate think?

My mom simply replied that he could have said no if he didn't want to go, and she was certain he wouldn't hold it against an old lady like her. I reminded her that she was putting the guy in a difficult situation to reject her. See, if you are in the guy's shoes, would you have the heart to say no to an old woman even if you don't really wanna go? That's an invasion into the life of a person who has absolutely nothing to do with us.

Mom answered the guy had nothing to do anyway since he hasn't found a job yet and he had no interview that day. I retorted that the guy might have other plans for himself, maybe something he enjoys doing like playing computer games at the net cafe. Whatever it is, he had no obligations to help us.

I wouldn't mind if it were just a small favour. But going all the way to Kajang sounds like a huge one to me.

Coincidentally, I had nothing much on my hands at work at that time. Therefore, I told her I would try to apply leave in the next couple of days.

Luckily, my application was approved.


* * *

On Monday, I received a call from the land officer informing me to go get the grant that we applied for. I told mom about it and she hoped I could go with her too this time.

But I'm chock-full of work this weeks so I said I can't make it this time. Moreover, the grant is ready so I thought there isn't much that needed to be done. I advised her to go with one of my cousins here in KL. She promised she would.

Then this morning she called up again asking me to go with her next Monday. She didn't ask the cousin for some reasons I can't state here. I told her I can't, my work might stretch well into the middle of next week. By now I was getting really frustrated.

I told her to stop forcing me. I have to work too. I have my own life.

"How can you say that? You're not helping anyone else but your mom," she said.

That did it. I was in the office, my boss was talking to my AD next ot me and it took all my self-discipline not to lose control.

"Of course I would want to help you finish that up too but at this point in time, I really can't!" I said.

We talked a bit more and ended the conversation.

After a few minutes, feeling guilty, I called her up and said, in a calmer tone that I couldn't make it next Monday. If she wants me to go, just come to KL first and wait till I am more available. She said she called up the officer and probably like I said, there's not much to do. But she's just worried because she couldn't speak Malay.

In the end, we agreed play it by the ear.


* * *

I really feel like I'm being pulled in different directions here. Work and family. But the situation could have been drastically different, if only she would ask one of the relatives for help. Ok, I know they're all useless as shit but coulda try, at least. I could help her too, if only she gave me time to settle my work.

I feel so guilty but at the same time angry for all that had happened.