最近才终于搭上了宫廷剧的列车，看了《后宫。甄环传》和《步步惊心》。

以前一直觉得这些古装戏既无聊又沉闷，对白大多也是难懂多余的文言文，再说敝人在下对中国历史也没啥兴趣，看了只会让我倒头大睡。

不知道是年纪越来越大了，还是越发感性的缘故，这次看了竟觉得与某些老祖宗的想法大有共鸣！

一些说出来会让人另眼相看的字句也令我大有所获，说出来肯定让我这个没受过正统中文教育的人，在别人面前备受欣赏 :D

最让我觉得印象深刻的是古人的 “情”。

他们被无数的枷锁捆绑着，许多事情都身心不由己，想做的事情做不了，不想做的却被逼着给做尽了，最终抱憾终身的死去，实属悲哀惨烈。

但正因为这样，他们对有情却注定不能在一起的人，每个眼神、动作，包涵了多少的情在里面。

也许大多只是戏剧效果，但我相信这样的情况还是有几分真实，毕竟是人都会有情，有情就总需要出口。

他们的一个眼神里隐藏了多少爱意，是不是因为不能一时间全部爆发出来，所以只能一点一点的释放，其余放不出来的只得在心里慢慢酝酿，直至有天无法负荷才终于爆发，这种杀伤力也并非不可怕。

是否因为这样，他们就算连小手也没牵过，就能爱的比现代人更深、更烈？

还是他们还太单纯，对复杂的儿女私情不甚了解？

我感动于他们的深情，却又为他们的不自由而感到心痛。

若真有前世今生，且我前世也有幸为人，我的过去又会是一个什么样的故事？

狗屁不通的烂理论

圣经上说，人类根源自亚当与夏娃。

我说，亚当与夏娃的后代都来自同一个家庭吧。

于是我问，这些后裔，不管怎么繁衍，都是近亲繁殖吧？

我们都知道，这种不正常的繁殖，只会孕育出有缺陷的下一代。

老师说，这种近亲繁殖，在神造世界的早期，是被允许的，是后来才改成我们现在所知道的
系统。

可以称为系统吗？

反正就忍着点我的破中文吧。

我不知道老师所说的是否属实，因为我主日学都没在好好上课，也不会自己没事就把圣经上下左右研究一番，而且我既不是来自基督家庭，目前更没有任何信仰（除非享乐主义也是种信仰）。

也不确定那些近亲繁殖的副作用是否是后来才产生的。

但假设那些副作用本来就存在，

嗯，又或者那些副作用本来是不存在的，而是多次繁殖后所累积而成的副作用，就像毒素囤积在人体内会造成癌症或各种疾病一样，我不了解近亲繁殖可能造成的副作用有几种，我知道的就只有脑部发育及身体四肢上的缺陷。

那有没有可能，我们其实全都是神经病？

其实我们根本就是重度身心残障，只是我们都不知道而已，因为每个人都一样，世界就犹如一所超大型的精神病院。

不然为什么人类只能开启僅僅百分之十的脑部领域？

也许真正“正常”的人，其实能运用到至少七十巴仙吧。

在这些人眼里，我们应该看起来就像白痴一样。

觉得这个说法很可笑吧。

对啦，又是我怪怪理论的其中之一，不用在意。

鬼话连篇

小时候啊，就会一直在想，为什么会有这个世界，为什么这世界上会有人。

人是那么的渺小而脆弱，那我们的存在到底有什么作用呢？

人经历生老病死，然后归于尘土，化成土地的养份，就什么都没有了。

难道我们最有用的地方就是死后化为养份吗？

那为什么还那么劳师动众的让我们经历间中的喜怒哀乐？直接变成养份不就好了？

因为找不到问题的答案，就开始自己幻想各式各样的可能。



圣经里说，上帝造世界，用了六天的时间，第七天是休息日。

在这六天里，神造了花草树木、飞禽走兽、太阳星辰，最后才造了人类。



听得出来有什么漏洞吗？



那恐龙呢？



我们可以相信没有神，因为祂的存在并没有任何确切的证据可以验证。

但恐龙是确确实实存在过这片土地上的，它们的化石不就不断地被挖掘出来了吗？

于是，处于叛逆时期的我，问了教会里的牧师，恐龙是从哪里来的？

圣经里面，它们是不存在的，那它们的化石为什么又会出现在世界各地的博物馆里？

牧师被我问的哑口无言，说会去查一下，我说好。

如果他查得出来才有鬼咧。

之后他好像有跟我说了一些模糊的答案，好打发我。



某天，我突然有个想法，也许这世上根本就没有神这号人物。

祂只是人类虚拟出来，让自己有个依靠的东西。



也许我们都只是外星人的玩具，我们被创造出来只是因为好玩。

记得小时候房子与玩偶的游戏吗？就是这个意思。

小时候会用玩具，堆成一间房子，房子有不同的房间，不同的玩偶分别是爸爸妈妈姐姐哥哥弟弟妹妹，然后我们尽情地操控着他们的喜怒哀乐，吃饭睡觉作息的时间。这样就能玩上一整天。

只是因为外星人有更厉害的科技，所以他们做的模型更先进。

他们开心的时候，就给我们充足的阳光，适量的雨水，好让大地万物都生长的好好的。

他们没时间理我们的时候，旱灾就来了，因为忘了浇水。

然后某天，他们终于发现了被忽略多时的我们，就向我们猛灌水，结果却造成了水灾和洪水。



又或者，神是存在的，但其实只有一个，并不像人们所说的有各种宗教。

世上有不同的宗教，是因为有各种不同的人种、语言及观点。



西方的人看到龙，就把它画成有翅膀，会喷火的猛兽，比较像恐龙的样子。

东方的龙，还是会喷火，但没有翅膀，只有一条长长犹如蛇一般的身躯，外加了四支小小的脚。

那有没有可能，当人类看到神的时候，不同的人就把祂看成不同的显现呢？

西方把祂看成被钉在十字架上，长胡须的耶稣。

东方说祂是穿白纱，手握菩提叶的观世音。



人真的很矛盾，世界也很奇妙。



要说到宗教的话，我觉得现在的宗教组织都变的越来越商业化。

我还亲身经历过，这些满口仁义道德的人，说的是一套，做的又是一套的经验。

人类在追求建造更大、更好、更美的礼拜殿堂的同时，已经忘了宗教信仰原本的初衷。



他们忘了，最伟大的殿堂，存在于一颗虔诚的心。

若心不虔也不诚，即使建造了再大的殿堂，也什么都不是。



也许现在再想什么人为什么存在的问题已经不重要了，因为我们离毁灭也不远了。



当然这些都不该由我来说，这也只是一个渺小而脆弱的人类在派遣寂寞的方式而已。

就这样想吧！

每次坐在 jumpseat,

飞机要起飞，引擎响起轰隆隆声响的时候，

我都会有同一个想法。




唔。。。唔。。。唔。。。。。。。。


。。。。。。砰！




然后整架飞机炸开、粉碎，我也变得尸骨无存。




这种想法在我朋友看来根本就是变态、不吉利。

我也不知道为什么我会这样啊，可能是我妈把我的脑袋生的比较怪吧。

听我妈说，因为我要出生的时候太胖了，没生的很顺畅，有被闷到一下。

医生叔叔要拍一下我的屁屁，我才大哭，吸了一大口气。

可能因为缺氧，导致我的脑部运作怪怪的吧。

直到现在。



说好听一点是好奇心过盛。

从小啊，我连到了动物园，看到挂在笼子里的大蟒蛇，我都会伸手去触摸。

还好被老师制止住了。



然后到了海边，看到巨型四脚蛇，我的手又不由自主的伸了出去。

还好我妈把我给叫住了。



再大一点，听到电台广播聊到某位听众最怕的是壁虎，

因为它们软趴趴的，身体冰冷冷的，

我又想说，

咦，我身边的墙壁不是有只现成的壁虎吗？

来摸摸看好了。



结论是，

还真的蛮冰的耶。



接着，

和同学在放学后的路上，

偶然看到路旁水沟接口有一堆白色闪亮亮的东西，

走近一看，发现是一只死掉的四脚蛇。



奇怪怎么尸体会发亮呢？



那天很热，艳阳高照，

小四死了过后，肌肉低下涌出了小蛆军团，

一闪一闪的，因为强烈的阳光投射在蛆的身上，

它们一直动，一直动，躦啊躦的，

应该是怕抢不到一口肉吧。



我呆站在那个美食大会前，大概一分钟，

还叫我朋友来看，她简直觉得我疯了。



言归正传，

当我跟别人说飞机的事情时，

他们用着不可思议、不敢相信、震惊的表情在质问我时，

我就觉得很好笑。



人，是怕死的。



但我不是很明白为什么。



是因为怕死前可能经历的痛吗？

还是因为还有很多未完成的事情？

或是因为怕别人伤心？



但如果一瞬间被炸了个粉碎，

应该什么痛都感觉不到吧。



未完的事，

在你意识消失的一瞬间，

就已经什么都没有了吧。



怕身边的人伤心，

那是不属于你现实里的事情，

因为你不可能会看到，或听到，

这一切也不在你的控制范围内。



而那些将会为你伤心流泪的人，

还是有他们的生活要过，

总是能走出来的，

伤口总是会结成疤的。



所以，为什么要去担心这些事呢？



我会比较怕身边的人死掉。

因为，痛会跑来我这里。

我和那个人还没一起做，或还没为他/她做的事情的包袱，会永远压在我背上。

掉的眼泪、鼻涕，也会是我的。



当这些都过去，

生活还是要继续，

每天，还是会有无数个起飞和降落，

歌照唱，舞照跳，

心臟依旧维持着每分钟60下的脉搏。



这样想，

也许就没什么好怕的了。

Weird...

When I was in primary school, I had this really psychotic desire to see young children being abused. Don't ask me, I don't know why either. To put it more aptly, inflicting the abuse upon them myself would make me even more excited.

Curiousity, I guess. I wanted to know exactly how they will react to the assault. I would try to run mental images of how it happens in my mind over and over. Nah, I don't just imagine it on just anyone but really adorable kids. Pretty maniacal, I would say *dry laugh*.

This weird habit stretched itself well into my teens. Well, at least I know I'm abnormal. Unlike those GENUINELY crazy people who think they're normal. But I guess it's all the same in those so-called normal people's minds anyway. So we'll just leave it at that.

Somewhere in the middle, my baby brother came into the picture. He used to be such a cute little toddler! He actually looked a bit mat salleh when he was younger. But geez, how he grew up to be such a brat is really beyond me.

And yeah, I have imagined myself inflicting cruel deeds on him. However, with what little of my sanity left, I was able to control myself into keeping the imagination as what it is and never lead it into reality. Gotta keep your fantasy and reality worlds apart. That's very important.

But I really feel sorry for my bro cos he is affected by hyperactivity. He can't concentrate so although he's already 15 years old, his mental knowledge is still like a 10-year-old because he couldn't learn anything in school. And fuck those so-called teachers who only care for good students and turn the other way when they encounter a weak one. All they could suggest was asking my parents to change him to another school..and another...and another...

It's just their way of trying to save their sorry little asses from getting involved in a difficult teaching position. Yeah, they're teachers all right! They teach of how to mind only your own business and let the weak die away as far as they can.

Deviation.

Heck, I'm no better. I would yell at my little bro when I really couldn't stand him and beat him with rotan sometimes. But not too hard, of course. I wouldn't want him to get injured, will get a good bashing from my parents as well.

Gotta understand this, I was a hotheaded teenager stuck with a kid brother who became the main barrier between me and my social life. I would have been ok if he didn't come disturbing me.

I always felt remorseful after shouting and hitting him with the rotan. Then I would try to talk some sense into him as gently as I could. He never learnt.

Fortunately, he's older and wiser now, albeit still a bit irritating sometimes. But we seldom meet because I'm too lazy 2 get my ass down to JB, so we are definitely on better terms now. Age really does make a person better (some people anyway). I can better suppress my anger now, so no more of those yelling matches.

And oh, about the physical abuse story I started with, I don't have that anymore. I think I'm becoming an empty shell as the years advance.

Which is worse?

Being a psycho or an empty shell?

Bloody invasion

I consider blood is organic (it is, right??). Pardon me but I flunked my Physics and Chemistry back in high school. My Biology was average, though. Okay, anyway, as you can tell, I'm no rocket scientist.

Okay, so blood is organic. In Islam (I dunno about other religions, pardon my ignorance), menses blood is seen as dirty and unpure. Well, probably because it's something unwanted purged out by the body. Therefore, Muslim women who are menstruating can't get anywhere near the mosque and they can't fast (they're losing blood already, if they fast, they're seriously gonna die, if you ask me). If you think about it, it's correct, nothing wrong with that.

But they have another rule - women are required to thoroughly wash their sanitary pads clean before they dispose of it. Now I find that rather incredulous. But who am I to criticize. I'm not here to criticize on sensitive issues like that, don't worry. Just want you to know that my follwing idea stems from this particular rule.

Again, blood is organic (okok stop finding used bloody pads to throw at me). A saying came to me quite naturally.

Earth to Earth, Dust to Dust.

Shouldn't we return organic stuff back to the Earth? No, I'm not a Greenpeace or WWF member, in case you're wondering. I might see people burning down forests and think,"Ooh, that's insane", and see poachers cutting tusks from still-breathing elephants and go,"Geez, that's cruel", but I'm not so noble and environmental-savvy that I would go supporting those cause by joining them.

K, I'm deviating, sorry.

I was thinking, who knows, maybe those menses blood that they scrub off so slaverishly every month might be loaded with nutrients (not yet scientifically-proven but think about it, possible, right?). If so, maybe we can use it as fertilizer then? Again, the saying can be aptly utilized here. We will be literally doing just that!

My friend suggested I should actually get a patent for that. Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have blogged it in case someone else steals my idea? OK, I shall think about it then.

However, as always, my smart little brain was working overtime to come up with innovative ideas that will benefit mankind in the times to come. Images came swarming.

Imagine putting your wife's used sanitary pads at the base of your potted plants every month. Of course there will be a fishy smell! But your plants will grow up strong and beautiful and your garden will be the envy of your neighbourhood! Think about it! And of course your wife's supply's not gonna satisfy all your plants' needs. Yeah, I understand you love gardening. Well, go ahead and get supplies from your mother (if she hasn't hit menopause), daughters, sisters (but maybe their partners have lush gardens too).

Sooner or later, everyone will wanna know about your gardening secrets and you would have to spill the beans at the end of the day. But as more and more people know about it, demand will override supply.

Therefore, factories will be built and multinational conglomerates like P&G would wanna go into this most lucrative business of the century. After all, the manufacturing costs is next to nothing. These factories will hire any women who menstruate as their raw material provider.

Now, this will create a damn lot of work opportunities in the world. Students can work part-time and they merely need to keep all their used pads and send them to the factory to earn extra income. Female beggars will use their begged money to buy pads to store their supplies and send them to the factories later. In short, used pads will become a valuable asset. And women won't feel so stressed during that time of the month anymore since they benefit from it.

Eventually, business would be so good you will see whole fleets transferring the finished product and distributing them all over the world. Can you imagine that? Glorious!

As a good innovator, I have to analyze the pros as well as the cons.

What if plants get too accustomed to the taste of blood? Do you get what I mean? They might evolve into vampire plants! Mutation!

Like the kera sumbang (did I get that right?) in Sabah. They capture insects using their cup-shaped thingy and digest the insects with acids.

Do you remember during science class the teacher talked about how plants will move towards their source of nutritions like sunlight and water? Their stems will grow and climb to reach it. What if the plants start devouring humans?

Now think Little House of Horrors.

See, I'm taking the welfare of human beings into consideration as well.

Naw, I don't think I will apply for that patent, Hui Yee. I'll think of something better next time.