Bloody invasion

I consider blood is organic (it is, right??). Pardon me but I flunked my Physics and Chemistry back in high school. My Biology was average, though. Okay, anyway, as you can tell, I'm no rocket scientist.

Okay, so blood is organic. In Islam (I dunno about other religions, pardon my ignorance), menses blood is seen as dirty and unpure. Well, probably because it's something unwanted purged out by the body. Therefore, Muslim women who are menstruating can't get anywhere near the mosque and they can't fast (they're losing blood already, if they fast, they're seriously gonna die, if you ask me). If you think about it, it's correct, nothing wrong with that.

But they have another rule - women are required to thoroughly wash their sanitary pads clean before they dispose of it. Now I find that rather incredulous. But who am I to criticize. I'm not here to criticize on sensitive issues like that, don't worry. Just want you to know that my follwing idea stems from this particular rule.

Again, blood is organic (okok stop finding used bloody pads to throw at me). A saying came to me quite naturally.

Earth to Earth, Dust to Dust.

Shouldn't we return organic stuff back to the Earth? No, I'm not a Greenpeace or WWF member, in case you're wondering. I might see people burning down forests and think,"Ooh, that's insane", and see poachers cutting tusks from still-breathing elephants and go,"Geez, that's cruel", but I'm not so noble and environmental-savvy that I would go supporting those cause by joining them.

K, I'm deviating, sorry.

I was thinking, who knows, maybe those menses blood that they scrub off so slaverishly every month might be loaded with nutrients (not yet scientifically-proven but think about it, possible, right?). If so, maybe we can use it as fertilizer then? Again, the saying can be aptly utilized here. We will be literally doing just that!

My friend suggested I should actually get a patent for that. Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have blogged it in case someone else steals my idea? OK, I shall think about it then.

However, as always, my smart little brain was working overtime to come up with innovative ideas that will benefit mankind in the times to come. Images came swarming.

Imagine putting your wife's used sanitary pads at the base of your potted plants every month. Of course there will be a fishy smell! But your plants will grow up strong and beautiful and your garden will be the envy of your neighbourhood! Think about it! And of course your wife's supply's not gonna satisfy all your plants' needs. Yeah, I understand you love gardening. Well, go ahead and get supplies from your mother (if she hasn't hit menopause), daughters, sisters (but maybe their partners have lush gardens too).

Sooner or later, everyone will wanna know about your gardening secrets and you would have to spill the beans at the end of the day. But as more and more people know about it, demand will override supply.

Therefore, factories will be built and multinational conglomerates like P&G would wanna go into this most lucrative business of the century. After all, the manufacturing costs is next to nothing. These factories will hire any women who menstruate as their raw material provider.

Now, this will create a damn lot of work opportunities in the world. Students can work part-time and they merely need to keep all their used pads and send them to the factory to earn extra income. Female beggars will use their begged money to buy pads to store their supplies and send them to the factories later. In short, used pads will become a valuable asset. And women won't feel so stressed during that time of the month anymore since they benefit from it.

Eventually, business would be so good you will see whole fleets transferring the finished product and distributing them all over the world. Can you imagine that? Glorious!

As a good innovator, I have to analyze the pros as well as the cons.

What if plants get too accustomed to the taste of blood? Do you get what I mean? They might evolve into vampire plants! Mutation!

Like the kera sumbang (did I get that right?) in Sabah. They capture insects using their cup-shaped thingy and digest the insects with acids.

Do you remember during science class the teacher talked about how plants will move towards their source of nutritions like sunlight and water? Their stems will grow and climb to reach it. What if the plants start devouring humans?

Now think Little House of Horrors.

See, I'm taking the welfare of human beings into consideration as well.

Naw, I don't think I will apply for that patent, Hui Yee. I'll think of something better next time.