Shyan went back at around 1230 hour, after staying at my house overnight. His house is far away - just a mere 2 blocks away from my own, actually. I'm so bored today, I didn't know what to do. I went out and bought a VCD entitled "A Beautiful Mind" starring Russell Crowe. Well, same old thing, it was the kinda boring film with a lot of meaning. After that, I really didn't know what to do!
Shyan says we shouldn't stick together every day. So, now I'm trying my very best to do just that. Sometimes, I feel quizzical. We live so close to each other, why can't we just be together whenever possible? But of course, he has his own social circle as well. Unlike me, a pathetic loner with no friends around here. All my ex-college mates have either left KL or moved to other parts of KL upon graduation. I like this place, where I'm living, that was why I stayed. And most importantly, I can stay close to Shyan. I really wish to spend more time with him before he goes to UK next year to finish his degree.
More often than not, things just won't happen as we want it to. Guess I'll just have to live with that. Shyan's a busy man. Hope I can be of help to him instead of a burden (which I am now) in the days to come. God bless us.
Sunday, December 26, 2004
Saturday, December 25, 2004
When We Were Little...
I went shopping with my boy and his 2 friends today at Berjaya Times Square. They wanted to do their Chinese New Year shopping. Well, I didn't shop because I've already shopped a minimum of 2 times this month, guess I gotta save it for next month then. It was a sweltering hot day and we shopped from around 1330 hour to approximately 1700 hour. I can't really remember the time.
At the end of the day, we were really exhausted so we sat down on a bench in the mall. Three little girls were turning the different coloured square mosaics on the floor into their own little game. They looked like they were really having fun. Even when an adult walked right into one of the girls and she nearly fell down, she continued playing the game of walking on the mosaic without any distractions.
I really admired her focus. When we were little, we could turn everything into a game and have fun like no one else's business. We didn't care what others think of us. We were totally self-centered and basically, just do our own things. We were happy. We wanted so much to become an adult, fast. But once we step into the real world of adulthood, we begin to realize that it wasn't all that we dreamt it to be. The cold, hard, cruel world suddenly bares itself naked right in front of our naive and ignorant eyes. We were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied.
We go into self-denial. Suddenly, we just want to turn back time and go back to our happy little world of when we were five years old. If only we can learn to be self-contented. To be happy with what we have and make the most out of it. Perhaps we will be better off both emotionally and physically.
Perhaps me, too, should stop envying those kids and start appreciating what I have around me. Like, Shyan, for instance, and stop upsetting him with my tantrums.
At the end of the day, we were really exhausted so we sat down on a bench in the mall. Three little girls were turning the different coloured square mosaics on the floor into their own little game. They looked like they were really having fun. Even when an adult walked right into one of the girls and she nearly fell down, she continued playing the game of walking on the mosaic without any distractions.
I really admired her focus. When we were little, we could turn everything into a game and have fun like no one else's business. We didn't care what others think of us. We were totally self-centered and basically, just do our own things. We were happy. We wanted so much to become an adult, fast. But once we step into the real world of adulthood, we begin to realize that it wasn't all that we dreamt it to be. The cold, hard, cruel world suddenly bares itself naked right in front of our naive and ignorant eyes. We were stunned, startled, aghast, taken aback, stupefied.
We go into self-denial. Suddenly, we just want to turn back time and go back to our happy little world of when we were five years old. If only we can learn to be self-contented. To be happy with what we have and make the most out of it. Perhaps we will be better off both emotionally and physically.
Perhaps me, too, should stop envying those kids and start appreciating what I have around me. Like, Shyan, for instance, and stop upsetting him with my tantrums.
Friday, December 24, 2004
People Change...or maybe I didn't Notice
I have just finished reading an ex-sec school mate's blog and somes thoughts immediately came to me. Well, 2nite is Xmas and she's stuck in her college dorm room with all the other Malaysian students because all the Americans had gone home (she's studying in the US). She had been boozing a little, too. That really surprises me. She used to look so angelic and nice, you know, the kinda girl whom you'd think can't have any faults or mistakes. But then again, maybe I shouldn't feel so surprised - I mean, she is human, after all. She has the right and freedom to express herself and her frustrations, for that matter.
I wasn't close to her in high school, although we were in the same sorority - PBSM (Red Crescent Society). She was the Sergeant Major and I was a Sergeant. I never did much, though. But she did quite a lot - she was an A-student with cute looks to match. She wasn't conceited or anything, instead, she was soft-spoken and really nice. Although she was quite studious, she had her fair share of admirers. Looking back, maybe I was a wee bit jealous of her. Gosh, I hate to use that word - JEALOUS. As much as I hated it, it was true, I guess. Some kinda sub-conscious thing so I didn't realize it then. Shame on me!
I don't know why I am talking about her. She had been on my mind for the past week after I spotted her in Friendster and then paid her blog an unexpected visit. The kinda life she leads studying in the US sounds like a whole new planet of experience to me, how I wish I could be like her. But of course, she had her fair share of downs there, too. When I told my boy about my envy, he said, "What good is there in envying others? Those things are not yours." True. I understand that very well.
That can be a great motivation in attaining my goal for a better life (not that my life is shit hole, it's quite good, actually, just not so...novel). But it also makes me think; even if I get to ownand appreciate the finer things in life later, the best time to enjoy things is actually during our teenage to young adult years. It's when we are young, energetic, adventurous and fun. To experience it with a bunch of good friends.
Over the years, I have come to realize that I am not a "friend" person. Friends around me can be really good but I am never too close to them. At the age of 21, I have a feeling I've not yet even experienced a real, deep, unconditional friendship. Pathetic. Sure, they help me sometimes, they listen occasionally, but some of them, those I deem to be closest to me, always fails me without any warning. As a result, I learn not to trust friends too much. Perhaps no one really cares about me, I am just one-sided in believing that they know me. No one does. My boy cares about me a lot, like no one would ever will. But even he does not understand me completely, how can you expect someone else to know you 100% ? I mean, even I can't do that!
Okay, I'm just drifting from one topic to another. Never mind. The other day, I sent a Friendster message to that ex-schoolmate and she didn't reply. Perhaps she hasn't liked me all along. I dunno. I feel so unworthy. I shouldn't dwell on that. At least people don't recoil in horror when they see me, although I know most of my ex-college mates should be quite intimidated bu me. Haha.
Well, I've got Shin Shyan. What more can I ask for? He's definitely the best thing that has happened to me! I love you, lao gong!
I wasn't close to her in high school, although we were in the same sorority - PBSM (Red Crescent Society). She was the Sergeant Major and I was a Sergeant. I never did much, though. But she did quite a lot - she was an A-student with cute looks to match. She wasn't conceited or anything, instead, she was soft-spoken and really nice. Although she was quite studious, she had her fair share of admirers. Looking back, maybe I was a wee bit jealous of her. Gosh, I hate to use that word - JEALOUS. As much as I hated it, it was true, I guess. Some kinda sub-conscious thing so I didn't realize it then. Shame on me!
I don't know why I am talking about her. She had been on my mind for the past week after I spotted her in Friendster and then paid her blog an unexpected visit. The kinda life she leads studying in the US sounds like a whole new planet of experience to me, how I wish I could be like her. But of course, she had her fair share of downs there, too. When I told my boy about my envy, he said, "What good is there in envying others? Those things are not yours." True. I understand that very well.
That can be a great motivation in attaining my goal for a better life (not that my life is shit hole, it's quite good, actually, just not so...novel). But it also makes me think; even if I get to ownand appreciate the finer things in life later, the best time to enjoy things is actually during our teenage to young adult years. It's when we are young, energetic, adventurous and fun. To experience it with a bunch of good friends.
Over the years, I have come to realize that I am not a "friend" person. Friends around me can be really good but I am never too close to them. At the age of 21, I have a feeling I've not yet even experienced a real, deep, unconditional friendship. Pathetic. Sure, they help me sometimes, they listen occasionally, but some of them, those I deem to be closest to me, always fails me without any warning. As a result, I learn not to trust friends too much. Perhaps no one really cares about me, I am just one-sided in believing that they know me. No one does. My boy cares about me a lot, like no one would ever will. But even he does not understand me completely, how can you expect someone else to know you 100% ? I mean, even I can't do that!
Okay, I'm just drifting from one topic to another. Never mind. The other day, I sent a Friendster message to that ex-schoolmate and she didn't reply. Perhaps she hasn't liked me all along. I dunno. I feel so unworthy. I shouldn't dwell on that. At least people don't recoil in horror when they see me, although I know most of my ex-college mates should be quite intimidated bu me. Haha.
Well, I've got Shin Shyan. What more can I ask for? He's definitely the best thing that has happened to me! I love you, lao gong!
Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus
What a true statement. Last night as I was watching i, Robot with my boy, Shyan, we became an example of this statement. There was a scene whereby Sonny, the unique robot, was making his escape from the USR HQ. He left behind a trail of blue goo after being shot in the thigh by Will Smith (i think his role was Agent Spooner, or something). As soon as I saw the goo, I said, "He's bleeding". At the same time, Shyan said, "His oil is dripping".
Well, to my man, Sonny was just a robot, no matter how human he was built out to be. He dreams, he winks, he thinks that he has a father and he knows he's made for a purpose. Sounds like a Pinocchio story to me, haha. Anyways, to me, I probably saw Sonny as a human being already because although his facade is one of a machine, he talks and acts like anyone of us (only he can acrobat through high suspending poles and fights better than Jet Li!).
I guess men and women are just different in terms of their mindsets, point of view and approach in doing things. Men are more analytical and almost always do things based on their previous experiences, evidence and scientific research or knowledge. In short, they are more rational. Women, on the other hand, rely more on their instincts (and their intuition is mostly right). Women like to humanize things, they tend to put a lot of emotion into something, which might get in the way of their logic.
God has been fair. A person can't live wthout the masculine side nor the feminine side. That's why we've been blessed with both male and female hormones (I've forgotten what they're called scientifically, male is testostrone and female oestrogen?? whatever).
Okay, whatever the case, iI gotta get back to work now. I am actually in the office right now and it's 0908 hour. Cheers to a new day! Merry Xmas, everyone!
Well, to my man, Sonny was just a robot, no matter how human he was built out to be. He dreams, he winks, he thinks that he has a father and he knows he's made for a purpose. Sounds like a Pinocchio story to me, haha. Anyways, to me, I probably saw Sonny as a human being already because although his facade is one of a machine, he talks and acts like anyone of us (only he can acrobat through high suspending poles and fights better than Jet Li!).
I guess men and women are just different in terms of their mindsets, point of view and approach in doing things. Men are more analytical and almost always do things based on their previous experiences, evidence and scientific research or knowledge. In short, they are more rational. Women, on the other hand, rely more on their instincts (and their intuition is mostly right). Women like to humanize things, they tend to put a lot of emotion into something, which might get in the way of their logic.
God has been fair. A person can't live wthout the masculine side nor the feminine side. That's why we've been blessed with both male and female hormones (I've forgotten what they're called scientifically, male is testostrone and female oestrogen?? whatever).
Okay, whatever the case, iI gotta get back to work now. I am actually in the office right now and it's 0908 hour. Cheers to a new day! Merry Xmas, everyone!
Thursday, December 23, 2004
My First Time...
I have never blogged before. This is my first time, so if I sound dealy corny or awkward, just bear with me, ok? God help me.
I've never blogged before, nor did I ever read blog for a pastime. However, for the past few days, I have been greedily gobbling up the last 6 months of one of my ex-sec school mates in her blog. I guess I was kinda too free at work cos it's the end of the year and few new projects are coming in.
I actually feel that you can be quite exposed in blogs, since you reveal some of your innermost feelings to whoever might read it (and that means anyone on this planet!). But of course, bloggers always have to filter out some of their opinions to avoid offending people around them (especially those who read their blog). This should prove to be a lil challenging for me cos I actually keep a computer diary. I don't write in it every day, only when I am feeling crappy and I have no one to turn to.
Well, I guess this will be my first entry to my blog life. Cheers!
I've never blogged before, nor did I ever read blog for a pastime. However, for the past few days, I have been greedily gobbling up the last 6 months of one of my ex-sec school mates in her blog. I guess I was kinda too free at work cos it's the end of the year and few new projects are coming in.
I actually feel that you can be quite exposed in blogs, since you reveal some of your innermost feelings to whoever might read it (and that means anyone on this planet!). But of course, bloggers always have to filter out some of their opinions to avoid offending people around them (especially those who read their blog). This should prove to be a lil challenging for me cos I actually keep a computer diary. I don't write in it every day, only when I am feeling crappy and I have no one to turn to.
Well, I guess this will be my first entry to my blog life. Cheers!
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