Merry Belated Xmas and Happy Boxing Day!
I had the loveliest dinner last nite with my Korean friends - Jin Hee, Ju Ae and Heelim. Sung Eun and Mui Shin had flights so they couldn't make it.
Jin Hee prepared some fusili, Ju Ae made some nachos with cheese and baked beans and Heelim made pan-fried teriyaki chicken with broccoli, potatoes and mushrooms. I had the easiest task...salad *HAHAHA*
It was the best Christmas I've ever had so far. When I was back in Malaysia, I'd always go to the clubs or just dine out with friends. Staying home having a small gathering with a few close friends is so much warmer and cosier, more Christmas spirit, I guess.
We had some red wine Heelim bought from Athens and I gotta say this, it was fantastic! I've always been a red wine hater because most of them are so dry but the one we had last night was sweet. After the meal, we had some of my Baileys and watched Love, Actually at Ju Ae's place.
The only hitch was that I had an argument with Shyan over the phone. It was one of those that almost led to a breakup. And I shed tears in front of my friends. God, that was so humiliating. But it's at times like these that you see who are your real friends. I'm glad to say that all of them are ^_^
Would really love to upload the pix here but unfortunately, I seem to be having problems with doing that on blogger now *shrug*
Wednesday, December 26, 2007
Monday, December 24, 2007
Christmas Eve...wish?
Please tell me I'm not insane.
Memories of him came in sudden surges that disrupt my sleep.
Remember 石头记 and the prelude entry right before it that I wrote in June 2006? I got so restless that I had to drag myself from the bed and sit in front of my laptop to read it.
I actually relished in the memory like it was the most exotic cuisine that I couldn't bear to finish. The last bite was excruciating. I would like to have another serving but having it again immediately steals away some of the tastes, if you know what I mean.
After a year, I still haven't changed.
In fact, I've always been like this since we parted. Whenever I'm alone at night, I would think about him. This obsession didn't just start a year ago but had always been there since the day he disappeared from my life. I don't see an end to it any time soon.
It's tormenting me, really. What did he say exactly at the pool? I wish I remember.
Maybe the reason I can't let it go is because I'm still expecting an answer from him. Well, not exactly expecting, since I didn't even ask him anything to begin with. I wish I had the courage to do so at the time, though. But I know no matter what happens, I would never do it. That's how much of a wimp I am.
It's been 10 years. Whenever he creeps into my mind, I would wonder if he still remembers me. If he still remembers the nerdy girl who always tried to oppose him. I don't even know if he knows my name. Well, I hope he does from the way Adlena and Linda had been calling me. But he never called any of us by our names so I simply can't be sure.
And I would wonder whether he thinks about me the way I think about him sometimes at night, which is quite unlikely *dry laugh*.
God, this is ridiculous and it's driving me crazy!
I keep guessing the reason behind everything he did and hoped I wasn't paranoid, that the truth will turn out to be what I want it to be.
I just need another meeting with him again. I swear if I ever run into him again, I'd call out his name even though I'm not sure whether or not he remembers me.
I'm not sure what I want from it but I would really wanna talk to him again.
It's probably wishful thinking on my side. After all, it's been ten long years. We may not realize it but we might have become extremely different from what we had known ourselves to be.
How I wish I could go back to that lazy afternoon in Adlena's house when we looked at each other across the fence.
Be careful what you wish for. So that was just a thought. I'm too selfish to give up everything to go back now.
But seeing and talking to him is on the top of my wishlist now.
Right now, I want it more than anything.
Memories of him came in sudden surges that disrupt my sleep.
Remember 石头记 and the prelude entry right before it that I wrote in June 2006? I got so restless that I had to drag myself from the bed and sit in front of my laptop to read it.
I actually relished in the memory like it was the most exotic cuisine that I couldn't bear to finish. The last bite was excruciating. I would like to have another serving but having it again immediately steals away some of the tastes, if you know what I mean.
After a year, I still haven't changed.
In fact, I've always been like this since we parted. Whenever I'm alone at night, I would think about him. This obsession didn't just start a year ago but had always been there since the day he disappeared from my life. I don't see an end to it any time soon.
It's tormenting me, really. What did he say exactly at the pool? I wish I remember.
Maybe the reason I can't let it go is because I'm still expecting an answer from him. Well, not exactly expecting, since I didn't even ask him anything to begin with. I wish I had the courage to do so at the time, though. But I know no matter what happens, I would never do it. That's how much of a wimp I am.
It's been 10 years. Whenever he creeps into my mind, I would wonder if he still remembers me. If he still remembers the nerdy girl who always tried to oppose him. I don't even know if he knows my name. Well, I hope he does from the way Adlena and Linda had been calling me. But he never called any of us by our names so I simply can't be sure.
And I would wonder whether he thinks about me the way I think about him sometimes at night, which is quite unlikely *dry laugh*.
God, this is ridiculous and it's driving me crazy!
I keep guessing the reason behind everything he did and hoped I wasn't paranoid, that the truth will turn out to be what I want it to be.
I just need another meeting with him again. I swear if I ever run into him again, I'd call out his name even though I'm not sure whether or not he remembers me.
I'm not sure what I want from it but I would really wanna talk to him again.
It's probably wishful thinking on my side. After all, it's been ten long years. We may not realize it but we might have become extremely different from what we had known ourselves to be.
How I wish I could go back to that lazy afternoon in Adlena's house when we looked at each other across the fence.
Be careful what you wish for. So that was just a thought. I'm too selfish to give up everything to go back now.
But seeing and talking to him is on the top of my wishlist now.
Right now, I want it more than anything.
Thursday, December 20, 2007
No fair
I'd wake up and stare up at the ceiling in a daze, or turn on my side and stare into space, wondering what exactly am I doing here.
That's what's been happening a lot lately.
I guess they gave me too much days off that cause my mind to wander.
After getting my laptop and plugged in to the Net, I've become kinda an anti-social creature. I would lie down on the bed in my darkened room and watch Taiwanese drama series I downloaded online. Or I'd sleep off an entire 24 hours and live a totally decadent life.
I begin to wonder what I'll be like after the contract ends in 3 years. Will I be tired and fed up of this job like many others and quit or will I stay on, feeling equally fucked up or loving every second of it?
Up till now, my schedule pretty much sucks. How was it that when my friends go on standby, they get pulled out every single time but I only get to sit at home and rot? And most of them get European destinations I yearn for so much while I only get destinations down under like Australia and places I'm familiar with, like Malaysia and Singapore?
I probably shouldn't complain so much. My roster isn't terrible or anything. I just wish I can get more of what I want. But life probably isn't about getting the cake every time eh?
I am certain about one thing however, if I don't start getting more flying hours, I'd earn considerably less than my peers. Now that is what's really bothering me.
Ever since I got here, the company always seems to miss me out for many things. Why is it that my friends don't need to fight for what they want but I have to?
It's sickening.
Fingers crossed for my next roster.
That's what's been happening a lot lately.
I guess they gave me too much days off that cause my mind to wander.
After getting my laptop and plugged in to the Net, I've become kinda an anti-social creature. I would lie down on the bed in my darkened room and watch Taiwanese drama series I downloaded online. Or I'd sleep off an entire 24 hours and live a totally decadent life.
I begin to wonder what I'll be like after the contract ends in 3 years. Will I be tired and fed up of this job like many others and quit or will I stay on, feeling equally fucked up or loving every second of it?
Up till now, my schedule pretty much sucks. How was it that when my friends go on standby, they get pulled out every single time but I only get to sit at home and rot? And most of them get European destinations I yearn for so much while I only get destinations down under like Australia and places I'm familiar with, like Malaysia and Singapore?
I probably shouldn't complain so much. My roster isn't terrible or anything. I just wish I can get more of what I want. But life probably isn't about getting the cake every time eh?
I am certain about one thing however, if I don't start getting more flying hours, I'd earn considerably less than my peers. Now that is what's really bothering me.
Ever since I got here, the company always seems to miss me out for many things. Why is it that my friends don't need to fight for what they want but I have to?
It's sickening.
Fingers crossed for my next roster.
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