What boredom can do to you

I think I'm gonna die of boredom one of these days.

And I think my laptop hard disk doesn't have long to live too, considering the rate I'm downloading things from the Internet.

I've been sitting in front of my laptop from dawn till dusk till my eyes bulge from radioactive waves just to watch dramas and read comics that I downloaded.

HELP ME!!!

This isn't the life I signed up for when I scribbled my signature on the flying contract!

I always feel that among all my friends, doesn't matter where I know them from - in high school, college, KL colleagues, or the friends I'm having in Dubai now; I am always the one being/feeling left out. I'm just a sore thumb that sticks out and doesn't seem to fit in anywhere.

When I try to tell my friends about it, they just don't wanna believe it. They think I'm this really outgoing and sociable person who's happy most of the time. I only try to be that way so that I don't stick out too much, to make it less obvious.

See, I'm always the one who doesn't know what's going on in my friends' lives. Maybe that's due to my own laziness as well. But sometimes when I do try, no one seems to have any time for me. My timing is always bad, I guess.

Since my last flight, I've tried to call my friends here who are having days off as well. But no one answered. So I just gave up and accepted the fact that I should lock myself up in my comfy bedroom and watch everything on my laptop till my eyes burn and dry out. And that's exactly what I am currently doing.

I've thought of going out on my own. But I woke up too late today and didn't feel like doing so anymore. And there's the money issue.

I realize that after 6 months of being here, and that includes 4 months of flying, I still haven't saved much. God, I still gotta save for the holiday my parents (mainly my Mom) wanna make later this year. And UAE Dirham is unfortunately on the fall these days. It's much more lower than Ringgit compared to when I first came here. No wonder I don't see any money whenever I convert it into RM.

Well, I shouldn't complain, at least it's still much better than what I can get back home. Counting my blessings here. Please give me the strength to stop complaining and start living.

Sometimes I'm so bored that I imagine how beautiful life would be if I suddenly get to know a fatally gorgeous Chinese guy here in Dubai with a heavenly personality and become really close friends. Of course there's the risk of falling in love with him and breaking my Shin Shyan's heart but I will try to control myself.

I've always wanted a, well, I dunno how to say it in English but in Mandarin it's 暧昧, relationship with a guy. It's like a vague relationship between friendship and love, if you know what I mean. I love that feeling so much cos one minute it feels like a knife is slicing through your heart and the next you just feel like the happiest girl in the universe just because that person pats you on the head or flashes you a million-dollar smile.

Shyan ended that vague relationship with me and stepped into the real thing too soon. That's the only regret I have with him. His reasoning was, if he liked me, then he shouldn't waste any time in letting me know that and start a steady relationship ASAP. Nah, no games, babe.

Otherwise, he's a dream. He tells me he loves me every single day. Not once a day but many times a day too. Our standard greeting during a phonecall is "Love you, laogong/laopo". Oh, and also "muack muack". He would just look at me while I'm still asleep and observe every little gesture I habitually make. Like, curling/uncurling my toes when I feel warm and comfy and a million other things that even I myself don't remember.

Geez, I think I talked too much. Those are supposed to be private right?

Anyhow, I know I'm being a greedy bitch but I still want my 暧昧 friend. Guess too much manga reading is contaminating my brain. But that will make life so damn more interesting ya know.