There's something totally vulnerable with hanging your emotions on another person's words. And he had to say no.

I had a hard time accepting that. After meeting him, I came to know that he's everything I ever wanted. 

But there's always a catch, isn't it?
He's all I ever want and need. There's only one thing. 
He can't love me.

I resented him at the time. But I can see it clearly now.
He tried to like me more than what he felt but he just couldn't go past that point.
Even though he isn't the most affectionate person I know, which drives me crazy, but he tried. He really did. I can tell from his actions.

My heart knows all along that I'm gonna get hurt real bad, right from the very beginning. Don't ask me how, it just knows. But we never really listen to our hearts all the time, do we? Especially when your heart is full of feelings for this person right in front of you. So close. So within reach.

"Why does this have to happen to me? Why am I not the one?"

I understand that nothing I say or do is ever gonna get more from his heart. You can't force love out of another after all. I get that. I really do.

The thing that really devastates me is that apart from our family and close friends, no one knows our story. I know it's a good thing since it was extremely shortlived. 

But I can't help feeling like I don't matter. That our relationship feels like a stillborn who never had a chance to see the light of day. Who doesn't have a name and will be soon forgotten along the passage of time. I'm the ex who didn't even make it into his Facebook friends list, let alone his heart.

And now I'm watching chick flicks to mourn for a love that I could have had but never did.

I will get through this. 
I will. I will.
I tell myself. 
Over and over.