It's Friday again in the blink of an eye. And I'm finding my life more and more unbearable. I used to have a really strong faith in pursuing my dream of becoming a graphic designer. The hold was so strong that I had came to KL alone, not even knowing if my parents would have enough money to see me through the whole 2 years of my Diploma. I came here out of my own free will. I was not like my other friends or teenagers my age because I had a firm knowledge of what I really wanted. I came here because of a dream. I had came here expecting nothing but believing that I would learn a lot that I would cherish all my life. I had fantasized about the outcome - the lifestyle,the convertible, whatever that I might reap if I did it right.
And I did - I graduated with distinction. But 2 years in that crap college had left me nothing but despair. I realized that I had wasted 2 years there and gained very little knowledge of the skills that I needed to equip myself with when I go out into the big bad world of advertising. I was left with the minimum defence just because I didn't possess the means to obtain a better education. I did get a loan. But how much could I possibly get with the lowest interet? So I borrowed from the government. But it wasn't enough. Hah! Now I feel relieved that it wasn't that much, or I won't be able to pay them back. From my own experience of job interviews and also my friends', it's apparent that designers do not command very high paychecks in this country. And we even have to endure those sneers from bosses because of our lack of knowledge. Damn the shit college for sucking us dry with the fees and giving us nothing but cancelled and unreplaced classes and equally bad lecturers!
I'm so disillusioned by this all. I've come to realize that I was too naive in the first place. I should have done more research. But it's too late. I have to face the music. It's not all that bad, just that my passion is lacking. I feel like such a zombie without a goal to reach for, after my first dream was shattered. Every day is just the same old routine repeating itself day after day, year after year. Do I want to live this way for the rest of my life? Who would want to, anyway?
I've been racking my brain for the past few months for a way out. Perhaps I should blame myself. If I won't help myself, who else will?
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