Confused Potato

I am racist.

Yeah I AM RACIST.

But only toward a certain race in the world. I'm sure many of the "non-princes-of-the-earth" share my sentiments. Of course, not all the objects of my racism are as hateful as we make them out to be. But it's a different story altogether when they are in packs. The saying, "Safety in numbers" is definitely truer than true in this case. Numbers have a weird effect on people (and I'm not talking about mad-scientist calculus here!).

I didn't used to be like this. Here's someone who had gone through the entire 11 years of the compulsory education system in Malaysia in national government schools. Therefore, I can definitely declare myself as being more well-versed in the earth princes' culture than my Jenis Kebangsaan counterparts.

I was the one who tries her best not to eat or drink in front of them during the fasting month no matter how downright thirsty I was, or I'd at least go beyond 50 meters radius from them if I really can't stand it. In fact, I still do. But I've just recently started to eat my breakkie behind my colleague's back while he was fasting since our miserable pantry (more like store room) couldn't accommodate an average-sized girl like me to have a decent meal inside. Note that I did it while his back was turned ya. However, the aroma couldn't help floating all around the room, that's all.

I'm the one proud to be able to speak their language with their accent. I've even been mistook for being one of them over the phone and back when I was dark as coal. I could even integrate myself flawlessly into their internet lingo on the IRC that my other friends who went to SRJK couldn't understand what I was babbling about.

But I guess the environment changes all. Of course I didn't realize the unjustice happening around me when I was younger, or in high school. Well, I've always been a moron political-wise. As long as I don't get pushed too far, I just can't be bothered. As I get older and more in touch with the world around me, I become more and more frustrated.

I'm sure many had heard all kinds of stories regarding this issue all the time. The university quota, scholarship, housing privileges, among a million other things. Although the circumstances in Malaysia is still bearable, I do fear for the future of our own race.

As if to aggravate my dislike for this race, the annual Indon haze has to come floating across the skies. Doesn't matter what natural catastrophes hit them in the future, I genuinely do not think we should help them. And this has absolutely nothing to do with being racist.

Look at what they had done to the Chinese a few years ago in Indon (pardon me but I'm really bad at remembering news, or their timeline, for that matter). I was thinking of inserting those glorious pix of their deeds here but dropped the thought cos that might incur nausea in people who happen to stumble upon this blog.

They raped, robbed, killed, mutilated the people who helped (a lot) in bringing wealth to their country. I'm not saying the Chinese are noble but am merely stating the fact. Imagine what values their descendants will have. It's a vicious cycle that will never end.

And isn't it wonderful the quality air they produce for us annually? Results in asthma, breathing problems, heat, low visibility, etc. Very helpful nation they are, eh? I'm just curious...isn't there any international environmental organization, something like Greenpeace, to have a ruling on forest burning? Why do we have to endure this year after year? What are the ASEAN countries doing to protect their people from this?

Sure, they can apologize all they want. But sorry no cure la I tell you.


Then when tsunami struck, they have the cheeks to put on poor puppy dog faces to plead for aid. I wonder is their skin even thicker than the multi layered bawang?

Okay. So they wanted help. Other countries benevolently rushed to their aid by sending them donations of food, clothes, money, etc. Did they appreciate it? I dunno. But I certainly know that the drivers who delivered these donations to them were killed before arriving at the distribution site. Why? Because some of them just thought they would hoard everything for themselves without sharing with their fellow countrymen. Cool. These are the people who claimed it was unfair for the Chinese to dominate their national economics.

Okay, just bear with them, you might say, since their country is loaded with so many natural disasters. It's normal for them to be a lil screwed in the head.

But you know what, a divine power is probably punishing them. Since God wants to wipe them out so much with earthquakes and tsunamis, why should we help them? Going against the will of God is just goddamn wrong! That's why you'll be condemned to eternal damnation if you do that la, ok!

Hmmm...I guess Malaysia is still a better place then. Honestly, I love Malaysia. Wouldn't wanna live in other countries which have to deal with typhoons, hurricanes or earthquakes on a regular basis.

But can someone please improve the status and privileges of non-earth princes in this beautiful country? Yeah I know they are entitled to various privileges because they are supposed to be the earliest settlers on this land. But eh *scratch head*, I thought the earliest to be here were the orang asli? If not, then why are they called orang asli, which literally translates into original people? They were the people to live here originally right? Yup, they are the aborigines. I'm very confused here.

By the way, aren't we all made from earth in the first place? Why only they are called princes of the earth? Weird.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

Congratulations Korsh, you are...

'PoiPoi' Apple Lim of verypoisonouslady.blogspot.com

You look like a stereotypical bimbo outside but its a different story inside. You're a nice, simple, proud and straightforward person who believes what you're doing is right. You don't change people, and you love them for who they are. Your primary goal in life is to be happy, next to being pretty. You have your detractors but you don't let them bring you down. You go out of your way to help others out even before they ask, and for that they love you.

Which Singaporean Blogger Are You?

I love you, E!

I did a freelance copywriting job for Cheryl's company 2 weeks ago. Yeah I know my English level is turning for the worse but I didn't ask for the job, okay? It found me haha. Her boss asked whether I wanted to do it cos I did some translations for them previously. English to Mandarin. Free of charge. The boss was pretty happy with the result, I guess.

Frankly speaking, I wasn't very confident about my ability in finishing this job either. But well, it was good money so I gave in to the temptation. If money is knocking on your door, can't really shoo it away right? Sinful.

So, with the help of modern Internet tools like the online translator and dictionary, I managed to get everything done in just one night! Starting to admire myself haha. Everything means 3 sets of slogans and body text for 3 press ads. I even gave them a few options for slogans for each one. Same goes for text, whenever I can come up with more than one.

However, even the online translator can't really help me this time cos all of it gotta be in English and Malay. Well, since Malay isn't an international language, it was pretty tedious task for me to get the language tools for it online. Worse, the online English-Malay dictionary by Karyanet frequently encounters server down-time so I deemed it useless. However, all was well cos I borrowed the conventional dictionary from Mala beforehand.

Last week, Cheryl called to inform me of an additional ad. So I needed to come up with another set of copy for them. My fee was increased, of course.

I only spent a total or 4 hours maximum to finishing writing everything. As usual with advertising jobs, I anticipated amendments. There were none. I couldn't believe my luck! And now all I have to do is wait for my cheque! According to Cheryl, her boss will hand me 2 other jobs if this one is successful. Really hope so.

Money money fast fast come! Haha. Any freelancers will know how it is to collect payments from clients. I just hope Cheryl's boss is a good paymaster. I'm just a bit worried about my Malay translation and possibly the usage of some English words. So scared that once it gets published, there will be endless mistakes to be spotted by the experts. Please don't let that happen to me! Of course, knowing what are wrong will lessen my mistakes in the future. Guess I have to face that, like it or not.

But really, the whole thing was so easy. Unlike the freelance design job I used to do - beat the hell outta me! Sleepless nights, headaches, follow-ups, all these and I gotta juggle my day job as well! Once and that was enough for me. Oh, I didn't pitch it as well, a customer of my last company asked me to do it. I declined because I know I'm too lazy to have to go through hell. But the customer was so very nice I just couldn't refuse totally. And so I took it anyway.

See, copywriting is so much more easier to me. Maybe because freelance is easier. Not so sure how it'd be like if I'm in a company or agency. I applied for a few copywriter positions previously but didn't get selected. Hey, this job can be included in my portfolio!

Shyan was so envious because just a few hours work had earned me a few hundred bucks. Haha I can deal with that any day!

Study hard, people! Language is such a powerful tool nowadays!

I've always loved English but didn't know it could earn me my livelihood. Look at what's happening now!

Pimples pimples go away

My body is so heated up for the past few days I really can't stand it!

First, it was the skin on my back peeling. Gracious, I thought it was dandruff when I scrapped it from my back! Imagine how small the particles are! Worse, it happened when I was out with Shyan on the way from Petaling Street to Times Square. Luckily, I brought a jacket with me which I threw on immediately upon discovering the catastrophe happening out back.

I found multiple pimples and scars on my once smooth back upon returning home. And I've made it worse by scratching on it. Pimples had been growing on my back since I kept my hair long. But this is just far too bad! What, now my hair is short so why doesn't it go away? I thought maybe it was the hair pricking on it which caused the growth.

The next day, a constellation of tiny but visible and red pimples was forming on my face. Four of them in the constellation, to be exact. One on the nose, left and right cheek each and another on the chin. Geez, what the...?!?!!

I don't know whether to laugh or cry cos it's really weird. Pimples frequently appear on my face in a mirrorring fashion, if you know what I mean. Example, left and right cheek each has got one, more or less the same place! Really funny when I look into the mirror.

I hope the pimples on my back would go away soon. I applied some of my mom's homemade medicinal cream last night. It's a bit better now. I've applied it before and although it does get better, it doesn't go away altogether.

I'm on ther verge of going nuts! Please don't haunt me again, pimples! I beg of you!

Privacy Issues

Guess what I just discovered yesterday.

I was on Friendster during work hours (yeah shoot me, but you're not qualified to, unless you're my boss) and suddenly had this funny idea. So I went to Yahoo! and searched for what I wanted, VOILA! I got the email add of a certain celebrity (whom, of course would not be convenient for me to mention here).

Get this, the celebrity in question actually had his/her (take a guess, I'm not even gonna disclose the gender of the person here, in case I get involved in privacy issues) email add plastered ALL OVER the Internet! And it's not even the record label's email, it's a PERSONAL one!

I can understand this person probably loves music so much that he/she wants to get as close to the fans as he/she possibly can. Okay, I'll just call this person AA, to save my typing trouble. Anyway, I think AA is only exposing itself (sorry, I address AA as a thing here) to danger.

I had this absurd idea running through my head (I think most of its fans had done this long ago). So I copied/pasted the poor email add into the Friendster search bar and pressed Enter. Was thinking AA couldn't possibly have an account there. But because I was feeling so damn bo liao, I did it anyway. Who has ever heard of a celebrity who dabbles with the horrendous zilch-privacy world of Friendster, right? Even if they do, they probably wouldn't be tracked down so easily.

2 seconds. The search returned me 1 result. The profile pic was still loading. The name was AA's alright. Probably another one of its hardcore fans using that nick, I thought. Okay, the pic finished loading and I saw that it was AA. Doesn't mean anything. I clicked on it and was linked to AA's profile page.

Holy Cow! I almost fell off my chair in the office! Nah, of course the page was set to private mode, all I could see was the name, location and hometown details. But that was enough. This could well be the real thing! But then again, it might be another fan making the whole thing look so mysterious.

Wait, but the email i searched for was AA's alright! So it couldn't be someone else's right? Even more astounding is the fact that my network is indirectly linked to AA! I'm linked to it through 2 other persons. Weird.

So the next thing I did was adding AA as friend. But of course I didn't expect AA to accept my invitation. It would be smart not to cos who knows what might leak out, right?

Anyways, if you are nice enough to go through my Friendster profile and stumble upon my humble blog and is reading this now, I guess you'd know what to do. You really shouldn't disclose your personal email to anyone except close friends. Especially not using it as your Friendster login. There are some extremely twisted freaks out there (like yours truly), you know.

Beware.

Sucky

Oh gosh, I'm beginning to think I'm really unworthy. It's depleting my self-confidence and ego indefinitely.

I didn't get a callback from Qatar. SIA didn't want me either.

Geez, I've never experienced rejection for the same thing so many times before! Maybe largely because I normally get what I want. But I normally get what I want because of my attitude, personality and abilities. NEVER based on my looks!

Prior to my attendance to the SIA interview, I was worried.

Cheryl asked me,"So you are only worried about your looks, not anything else?"

Hell, yeah! And I answered her that.

Right, I'm that confident about myself. My abilities, to be exact. But I'm never 100% sure about my looks. Who am I kidding, I know I'm not the most beautiful girl around but can't you just let me get further than the prelim? Damn it!

The girls invited by SIA mostly had perfect skin, you know, those fair and pinkish type which I can never have in this life. It's fuckin unfair!

See, there were a couple of girls in my group who spoke even more nervously than me (so far I'm ok with my performance although there were some small mistakes). But guess what, they got it. They proceed to the second round. Yeah I know I sound like a sourgrape here but it's true. There was one girl in my group however, she really deserved to pass. She was very calm and steady although she wasn't particularly outstanding looks-wise. And yes, she did pass.

According to Jaku, a girl in her group with a huge birthmark on the arm passed too. So what happens to their no pimples, no scars, no visible marks policy? This is really frustrating! And a few even mumbled their way through but they passed too! Geez, I really dunno what they want!

If the girls who got through were really deserving i.e. calm speakers, overall just perfect, I would have known I'm not good enough. But this, this is not what I've been expecting!

Know what, 70 girls got through the water confidence test today! Consider the number! What a shame that I got kicked out in the 1st round considering the high intake rate this time!

Having said all that, I think I will still give it another few attempts. If I still can't get it, I'll know when to give up.

Which one first?!?

Gosh, I've got soooooooooo many things on my hands now I really dunno where to start finishing them! Even if I know, I'd keep forgetting to do it! Shucks!

First, there's the airline interview photographs. They are still in Cheryl's computer. Guess I should go over and load them into my MP3 tonight. Gotta do a bit of touch-up too. About the making-my-face-look-slimmer part, gotta ask Cheryl, the touch-up expert to teach me. I know roughly what to do but better ask the expert first.

After all the PSing, I gotta print out the pix of course. 3R is okay cos it's only 50sen per piece but passport sized will set me back RM12 for just 4 miserable pieces! Therefore, if time permits, I will print it in-house (you know where) hehe. But then I would have to mount it on ivory card (which is a bit too thick) and laminate it. Quite some work.

And geez, I'm sooooooooo broke this month! I've splurged on a new haircut, LeeHom's ticket and some clothes for the cabin crew interview. And I'm not even sure if ALL the clothes are appropriate (most of them are, anyway)!

Then there's the prepaid registration thingy for me and Shyan. Ai Leen's gonna submit the forms for us and we gotta give her our IC photocopies as well. Okay, so that's not so troublesome after all but it's almost the end of the year! The registration ends in December!

I'm just curious, why oh why doesn't DiGi authorise more dealers for their registrations? It's so inconvenient for us consumers! Last Sunday, Shyan and moi went to Times Square to catch a movie (My Super Ex-Girlfriend) and thought we'll give it a try at the DiGi service center.

Our numbers start with 4, and there were only supposed to be two more numbers till our turn. But I don't fucking know why the hell they began serving numbers starting with 2 and 3 all of a sudden! And it certainly looked like it would be a long wait! Therefore, as smart as we were, we decided to just leave and go do some window-shopping.

However, I ended up with two more purchases of clothes! Yeah I know stop slapping me, I feel so guilty already! I'm actually wearing one of them right now. It's long sleeved, purple colour with a studded crown on the front and some wordings, "Queen of the Night" being some of them. It looks simply rockin'! What's more, the fabric is soft and airy, making it an enjoyment to wear. The other top I bought is a white linen (is that right??) piece. The feeling is light and matured so I guess I can wear it to the interviews too, but definitely not on the first day.

Geez, I'm hoping and wishing and praying hard that I can even get past the first interview! Although SIA is really tough and I dare not hope too much, of course I still hope I can get in this time round! K, I know it sounds arrogant because many tried and a lot more didn't get in the first time. But heck, at least keeping my eyes on the goal might help me reach it, right?

Wait, I thought there's another thing I should do. Hmmm...can't seem to remember what it is. See, I AM getting senile! Oh gosh, someone, HELP ME! My life is becoming so HAYWIRED!

A Bed of Roses

Quite a lot of things happened in these few days, all of which are good and I'm on cloud nine like nobody's business. Actually, I got so carried away that I actually become unbelievably forgetful! Geez, gotta jerk myself back to reality!

Here's the update on the wonderful things happening to me!

First, I got a new haircut! It rocks! I've wanted to spice up my hairstyle for a long time now but didn't have the slightest idea or inspiration on what to do about it. Should I straighten it, cut it, perm it, colour it?? I have soooooooo much to think about!

My new haircut

As u know from my previous entry, my hair's driving me up the wall! So on Wednesday night, right after work when I got home, I had a sudden urge that says,"Gee, go do something about your hair tonight!" Coincidentally, I saw a girl with a hairstyle that resembled what I wanted that afternoon, which explains the sudden inspiration. I was having a dilemma on whether to go to Pierre's (my hairstylist for the last 6 months), or go try someplace else. But I didn't quite like the last hairstyle he gave me so I thought oh well, i'll go try somewhere else first.

That's why I ended up sitting on the armchair of Zing. The stylist's name is Klein, as usual, quite la yeng. He quoted me only RM180 for cut, colour, highlight and straighten (only the bangs)! Cheap!
So far I'm more than satisfied with the outcome. Simply lovin' it! Definitely going back to him for hairstyling again! My new haircut actually looks a bit like those characters from Japanese manga! Gee, I can go on and on and on and on about it! Gotten lotsa compliments too! Wakakakakakaka!!!

On top of that, I've received the interview invitation for SIA! Hip Hip Hurray!! *Applause Applause*

I've already replied to confirm my attendance. It's on September 17. Hope of meeting Jaku and Si Qi there. Going to the Qatar open day as well on the 16th. Si Qi's going too but not sure about Jaku. Good luck to all of us!

And here's the ultimate good news *Drumroll*........

I AM GOING TO LEEHOM'S HEROES OF EARTH CONCERT IN SINGAPORE NEXT MONTH!

The ticket costs me S$170 which equals to RM416 (because the ticket agent charges extra 0.1%). Yeah I know I'm crazy. It's another one of those impulsive doings by moi. It's on Oct 21 (Deepavali) in the Singapore Indoor Stadium in Kallang.

I don't even know if I'll be able to get back to JB the same day and if not, I most probably won't have a place to sleep. No worries though, I just got all the info I need on the transportation so I guess I'll be fine. Singapore has all their info posted on the Net, so damn convenient for us tourists! Unlike this country I'm living in! 'Nuff said!

It seems that the island has a night bus service called the Nightrider, which operates from 11.30pm till 4.30am! How considerate! The fare is only a flat rate of S$3 no matter where you go! I'll just have to find out which station to get on and off. Hope everything goes smoothly.

By the way, my seat is just the 6th row from the stage. Hope it'll be real close! Aisle seat next to the middle block. Looks good from the plan, but I ain't sure about the real thing.

In case you wanna know, I'm not even a hard-core LeeHom fan. He's cute, talented in music and everything and I like some of his songs but that's pretty much it. The reason of my madness this time is his Taipei concert DVD. Geez, those are the culprit.

He gave an electrifying performance in it. That's what set me off. So I thought it would probably be worth watching. 'Tis the second time I'm attending a concert. Last one was Jay Chou's Fantasy concert in Bukit Jalil Outdoor Stadium 4 years ago. His live singing wasn't really that rockin' though. And the sound system was a failure because sound breaks in open space. But the atmosphere was damn high!

This time, LeeHom's concert is indoors. Therefore I would expect better sound quality. And his live singing is also ok. Hehe, now I'm glad I didn't go to Eason's concert in KL cos then I wouldn't have splurged this time!

3000 Troubling Tresses (Chinese saying)

My hair is driving me nuts.

I was grumbling to my Mom the other day about why wasn't I born with straight hair. It was all Mom's fault. My flat-chestedness was her fault as well (but how come she and my two sisters are well-endowed with average-sized chests?). My bulging tummy also came from her genes, I reckon.

Go ahead. Slap me for blaming my Mom for all these. I'm only human. Everyone needs someone to blame. So shut up and stop your slapping palm in mid-air if you have done that.

Anyways, the focus of this entry is not on putting the blame on Mom. I don't dwell too much on stuff like that either. I was just grumbling for the sake of grumbling.

Back to my hair.

Sure, some people might say curly is nice (simply because they have dead straight hair, I bet). Well, as they say, opposites attract.

I wouldn't mind if my hair is wavy like those mat sallehs. It looks natural. Problem is, it curls at all the wrong places!! There's this tuft of hair near my crown that curls like a winding river, which makes it look like a hair job gone terribly wrong! The curly facade makes my hair looks like it hasn't been washed for a few days (although I tend to do that sometimes), which is utterly disgusting.

I've gone for rebonding but well, it will grow out too. I also hate the restrictions of rebonding which includes not having my hair tied up when I want to. It will leave marks. And of course I wouldn't want that since I've spent hundreds of ringgit on it, right?

That leaves me with no choice but a stagnant hairstyle, which makes me look like Sadako. People expect me to climb out from a well or tv anytime. How would that make you feel, huh?

Worse, hairstylists are often reluctant to indulge me in a new hairstyle after I have my tresses straightened in fear of stick-out hair. I've always liked those really short hairstyle that makes a girl looks refreshing and playful. But they won't do it on rebonded hair, and who am I kidding? It would be insane to cut off those RM200++ hair! And now that my face is getting rounder, I can't even imagine myself in those incredibly short hairstyles anymore!

I love bobs too. But bobbed hair often requires straight and sleek hair, which yours truly do not possess. I can't even have bangs! Rebonding doesn't help because no one wants to do it for me anyway. So don't rebond, you say? Hello....!! As it is now, rebonding-free, it looks like strays from a horse's tail!

And no, I ain't going for rebonding anymore. My hair's falling out in staggering quantity. Hell no, I don't wanna be bald before I'm 30 years old, or ever! Most of those gone bald are men, I don't wanna be the minority in women. Nah, I don't wanna be that special!

Speaking of which, almost 90% of Chinese are straight-haired. Why am I the fucking 10% condemned by curly hair??

Hum + Drum

I've been ranting about my humdrum life for a while now.

I think another one of my acquaintances just got herself accepted by an airline as air stewardess. Geez, seems like everyone I know has what it takes except me, myself and I.

It's very daunting since I am seldom faced with rejection like this. Of course, since I tend to abandon a pursuit if I deem it too difficult to reach. I'm one of those people who don't really care about anything as long as the sky doesn't come crashing down. Hmmm...come to think of it, even if it does, I doubt I would care much either.

As a Chinese saying goes,"If the sky falls, use it as a blanket."

Haha.

Wonder what I would become when I'm 50 years old? What would I have accomplished? Will I be happy? Will I be rich or ditchy poor? How many kids would I have? How many and what kinda properties will I own? Would I be able to look back and point out the things I've done that really make myself proud to be me? Or will I be terribly ashamed?

More than anything, I hope to be with the ones I love and be happy. Yeah I know it sounds corny, I would have scorned at the thought 2 years back. But age is a funny thing that transforms an individual. At different stages of our lives, it's natural for us to crave for different needs.

I don't ask for a lot. Financial-wise, I just hope I don't have to worry about money that much, although a reasonable amount of fretting is okay. I really do hope to see the world while I'm still young, when I still have the rush and the drive.

Gee, what am I talking about now? So bored that I can't help but keep on babbling about humdrum stuff that comes with my equally humdrum life.

K, don't worry. Signing off now.

Hello..?

Life sucks.

Tomorrow is national holiday and I ain't got anything planned. No one wants to talk to me on MSN either. Either that or people who can talk are all offline.

What is my life turning into?

Only fortunate thing is Shyan's coming over tonight.

Things are definitely not going my way these days. I'm turning into a grumpy old woman.
No hopes, no dreams, no life.

Need help.

I desperately need a shot of excitement in my life. But all I get is shit, shit and more shit.

Geez, geez...

Weird...

When I was in primary school, I had this really psychotic desire to see young children being abused. Don't ask me, I don't know why either. To put it more aptly, inflicting the abuse upon them myself would make me even more excited.

Curiousity, I guess. I wanted to know exactly how they will react to the assault. I would try to run mental images of how it happens in my mind over and over. Nah, I don't just imagine it on just anyone but really adorable kids. Pretty maniacal, I would say *dry laugh*.

This weird habit stretched itself well into my teens. Well, at least I know I'm abnormal. Unlike those GENUINELY crazy people who think they're normal. But I guess it's all the same in those so-called normal people's minds anyway. So we'll just leave it at that.

Somewhere in the middle, my baby brother came into the picture. He used to be such a cute little toddler! He actually looked a bit mat salleh when he was younger. But geez, how he grew up to be such a brat is really beyond me.

And yeah, I have imagined myself inflicting cruel deeds on him. However, with what little of my sanity left, I was able to control myself into keeping the imagination as what it is and never lead it into reality. Gotta keep your fantasy and reality worlds apart. That's very important.

But I really feel sorry for my bro cos he is affected by hyperactivity. He can't concentrate so although he's already 15 years old, his mental knowledge is still like a 10-year-old because he couldn't learn anything in school. And fuck those so-called teachers who only care for good students and turn the other way when they encounter a weak one. All they could suggest was asking my parents to change him to another school..and another...and another...

It's just their way of trying to save their sorry little asses from getting involved in a difficult teaching position. Yeah, they're teachers all right! They teach of how to mind only your own business and let the weak die away as far as they can.

Deviation.

Heck, I'm no better. I would yell at my little bro when I really couldn't stand him and beat him with rotan sometimes. But not too hard, of course. I wouldn't want him to get injured, will get a good bashing from my parents as well.

Gotta understand this, I was a hotheaded teenager stuck with a kid brother who became the main barrier between me and my social life. I would have been ok if he didn't come disturbing me.

I always felt remorseful after shouting and hitting him with the rotan. Then I would try to talk some sense into him as gently as I could. He never learnt.

Fortunately, he's older and wiser now, albeit still a bit irritating sometimes. But we seldom meet because I'm too lazy 2 get my ass down to JB, so we are definitely on better terms now. Age really does make a person better (some people anyway). I can better suppress my anger now, so no more of those yelling matches.

And oh, about the physical abuse story I started with, I don't have that anymore. I think I'm becoming an empty shell as the years advance.

Which is worse?

Being a psycho or an empty shell?

Gimme a chance, baby...

I don't think I'm given a chance this time, either.

Sent in the application last week, just one day before the closing date because it's been a long time since I last logged on to the SIA website. Daunted from my last attempt I guess.

So this time I just chucked everything in and pressed the send button.

Whatever comes, comes.

I think I'm disappointed once again. What exactly went wrong? Just what are they looking for? I dunno. Seems like nobody knows for sure, either.

Anyways, I didn't get my hopes up too high this time, in case I get rejected again. Guess I'm fine then.

Am doing overtime now in the office. Just wrapped up everything. Will have to tie up the loose ends tomorrow then.

Spent a fraction of my time uploading my photos for Emirates and checking through my application to make sure everything is correct.

Crossing my fingers. But try not to get too excited. Mind you, I'm good at that.

If it fails this time again, I'll keep on trying until I simply don't give a fucking damn anymore.

Better than not trying at all.

Fools...

Sometimes I put myself in situations that embarass myself. This time is no difference.

Why don't I ever learn? Blame it on my ever-optimistic character.
They say fools never learn. Guess I'm a fool then.

Cheers to all the fools in the world!

You might not know who you are, or you don't wanna know, or you don't know yet. Cheers, anyway.

They also say fools never get flu. Therefore, we are safe during SARS, people.

Bloody invasion

I consider blood is organic (it is, right??). Pardon me but I flunked my Physics and Chemistry back in high school. My Biology was average, though. Okay, anyway, as you can tell, I'm no rocket scientist.

Okay, so blood is organic. In Islam (I dunno about other religions, pardon my ignorance), menses blood is seen as dirty and unpure. Well, probably because it's something unwanted purged out by the body. Therefore, Muslim women who are menstruating can't get anywhere near the mosque and they can't fast (they're losing blood already, if they fast, they're seriously gonna die, if you ask me). If you think about it, it's correct, nothing wrong with that.

But they have another rule - women are required to thoroughly wash their sanitary pads clean before they dispose of it. Now I find that rather incredulous. But who am I to criticize. I'm not here to criticize on sensitive issues like that, don't worry. Just want you to know that my follwing idea stems from this particular rule.

Again, blood is organic (okok stop finding used bloody pads to throw at me). A saying came to me quite naturally.

Earth to Earth, Dust to Dust.

Shouldn't we return organic stuff back to the Earth? No, I'm not a Greenpeace or WWF member, in case you're wondering. I might see people burning down forests and think,"Ooh, that's insane", and see poachers cutting tusks from still-breathing elephants and go,"Geez, that's cruel", but I'm not so noble and environmental-savvy that I would go supporting those cause by joining them.

K, I'm deviating, sorry.

I was thinking, who knows, maybe those menses blood that they scrub off so slaverishly every month might be loaded with nutrients (not yet scientifically-proven but think about it, possible, right?). If so, maybe we can use it as fertilizer then? Again, the saying can be aptly utilized here. We will be literally doing just that!

My friend suggested I should actually get a patent for that. Hmmm...maybe I shouldn't have blogged it in case someone else steals my idea? OK, I shall think about it then.

However, as always, my smart little brain was working overtime to come up with innovative ideas that will benefit mankind in the times to come. Images came swarming.

Imagine putting your wife's used sanitary pads at the base of your potted plants every month. Of course there will be a fishy smell! But your plants will grow up strong and beautiful and your garden will be the envy of your neighbourhood! Think about it! And of course your wife's supply's not gonna satisfy all your plants' needs. Yeah, I understand you love gardening. Well, go ahead and get supplies from your mother (if she hasn't hit menopause), daughters, sisters (but maybe their partners have lush gardens too).

Sooner or later, everyone will wanna know about your gardening secrets and you would have to spill the beans at the end of the day. But as more and more people know about it, demand will override supply.

Therefore, factories will be built and multinational conglomerates like P&G would wanna go into this most lucrative business of the century. After all, the manufacturing costs is next to nothing. These factories will hire any women who menstruate as their raw material provider.

Now, this will create a damn lot of work opportunities in the world. Students can work part-time and they merely need to keep all their used pads and send them to the factory to earn extra income. Female beggars will use their begged money to buy pads to store their supplies and send them to the factories later. In short, used pads will become a valuable asset. And women won't feel so stressed during that time of the month anymore since they benefit from it.

Eventually, business would be so good you will see whole fleets transferring the finished product and distributing them all over the world. Can you imagine that? Glorious!

As a good innovator, I have to analyze the pros as well as the cons.

What if plants get too accustomed to the taste of blood? Do you get what I mean? They might evolve into vampire plants! Mutation!

Like the kera sumbang (did I get that right?) in Sabah. They capture insects using their cup-shaped thingy and digest the insects with acids.

Do you remember during science class the teacher talked about how plants will move towards their source of nutritions like sunlight and water? Their stems will grow and climb to reach it. What if the plants start devouring humans?

Now think Little House of Horrors.

See, I'm taking the welfare of human beings into consideration as well.

Naw, I don't think I will apply for that patent, Hui Yee. I'll think of something better next time.

I Ain't No 2nd Class Yo!

The other day, I was going home from work by LRT as usual and an incident happened that reminded me of the infamous Malaysian culture.

As usual, the trains were all packed during rush hour. A Malay guy was standing near the door and there was still some loose space behind him. He could have backed a little to make room for me if he wanted. However, he just stood there holding onto the hand strap overhead and didn't budge an inch. I thought, "Oh well, I'll wait for the next train then," since I wasn't rushing for anything.

Seconds before the door closed, a geeky but smiley and skinny plus not-so-tall Mat Salleh came by and spoke in Malay, "Boleh masuk?". His pronunciation was impeccable.

Well, all of us were duely entertained. It even drew a curve up the lips of some of the passengers while I was stifling a giggle myself.

Immediately, the guy who was too lazy to budge backed away and made a nice little space for the Mat Salleh. I was the only one left outside the door. Heck, seemed like I was being ostracized. One of the female passengers looked at me.

Geez, I was thinking, "And here it is - the Western-worship behaviour of Malaysians rearing its ugly head."

I felt like a second-class citizen in my own country! Funny!

Or was it because the Mat Salleh could integrate himself into our culture and language that they treated him differently? I really dunno.

Talk about double standards.

Family vs Work

I know I'm a rather selfish person.

But when it comes to family, I would try to be obliging even though I don't really feel like doing certain things that I'm required to do. Sometimes things are beyond my control because I have other obligations, say, work.

Unfortunately, my mother can't seem to understand this.

She came to live with me in KL in July for a month. She was here to sell her homemade ointments. I feel sorry, actually, that I as a daughter, can't provide her with a more comfortable life.

During that period, I had a strong feeling that my life was being interrupted in an unbearable way. I was being selfish. Perhaps I've been living on my own for too long now. I've had the freedom for too long that a motherly visit from home makes me feel like my privacy is being compromised.

Anyway, she was here to take care of the land grant of my partially-mentally-disabled uncle's house in Kajang as well. Yeah, my other relatives on my mother's side were all useless as hell. Even though they are staying right here, nobody gives a damn about it. They could have helped with just a turn of their hands. One of them even works near the Kajang Land Office, for God's sake!

My mother can't really speak Malay nor English. Therefore, she needed someone to go with her to the Malay-infested office. She didn't tell me about it. After introducing herself to my housemates, she asked the friend of one of my housemates to accompany her to Kajang the next day. The friend was staying at our house at the time because he was looking for a job in KL (he's from Sabah and he's still looking for a job).

Thing is, I barely knew this guy.

I was rather indignant when I heard of this. I accused my mother of trying to ruin my social life. Well, imagine your mom asking a someone you barely know to go all the way from KL to Kajang with her, what will that person think? Moreover, he's my housemate's friend. What will my housemate think?

My mom simply replied that he could have said no if he didn't want to go, and she was certain he wouldn't hold it against an old lady like her. I reminded her that she was putting the guy in a difficult situation to reject her. See, if you are in the guy's shoes, would you have the heart to say no to an old woman even if you don't really wanna go? That's an invasion into the life of a person who has absolutely nothing to do with us.

Mom answered the guy had nothing to do anyway since he hasn't found a job yet and he had no interview that day. I retorted that the guy might have other plans for himself, maybe something he enjoys doing like playing computer games at the net cafe. Whatever it is, he had no obligations to help us.

I wouldn't mind if it were just a small favour. But going all the way to Kajang sounds like a huge one to me.

Coincidentally, I had nothing much on my hands at work at that time. Therefore, I told her I would try to apply leave in the next couple of days.

Luckily, my application was approved.


* * *

On Monday, I received a call from the land officer informing me to go get the grant that we applied for. I told mom about it and she hoped I could go with her too this time.

But I'm chock-full of work this weeks so I said I can't make it this time. Moreover, the grant is ready so I thought there isn't much that needed to be done. I advised her to go with one of my cousins here in KL. She promised she would.

Then this morning she called up again asking me to go with her next Monday. She didn't ask the cousin for some reasons I can't state here. I told her I can't, my work might stretch well into the middle of next week. By now I was getting really frustrated.

I told her to stop forcing me. I have to work too. I have my own life.

"How can you say that? You're not helping anyone else but your mom," she said.

That did it. I was in the office, my boss was talking to my AD next ot me and it took all my self-discipline not to lose control.

"Of course I would want to help you finish that up too but at this point in time, I really can't!" I said.

We talked a bit more and ended the conversation.

After a few minutes, feeling guilty, I called her up and said, in a calmer tone that I couldn't make it next Monday. If she wants me to go, just come to KL first and wait till I am more available. She said she called up the officer and probably like I said, there's not much to do. But she's just worried because she couldn't speak Malay.

In the end, we agreed play it by the ear.


* * *

I really feel like I'm being pulled in different directions here. Work and family. But the situation could have been drastically different, if only she would ask one of the relatives for help. Ok, I know they're all useless as shit but coulda try, at least. I could help her too, if only she gave me time to settle my work.

I feel so guilty but at the same time angry for all that had happened.

King of Fruits

Can you believe it...I actually opened a durian last night by myself!

No, make it two.

Haha, I've never done that before and since my housemate, Jane, brought lotsa durians, mangosteens and rambutans from home (I think her family has a fruit orchard back home), I just thought I would give it a try. Moreover, I waited and waited but no one else came home so I just dug in first.

Gotten quite a few wounds on my right palm now. There were two that drew blood last night and one that seemingly came out of nowhere.

It was fun opening a durian. Hah, now I can brag to my friends I opened one! Yeah I know I'm silly, so be it.

Only thing was I had to eat the durians alone. I called Lih Lin but she couldn't come last night so I saved some for her to take home tonight.

If Shyan was there, he would definitely cover his nose and say the durian is smelly! Haha!

Here it comes again

It comes in a sudden realization of horror.

Sometimes you don't even notice until moments, or even, days later.

A stinging pain follows next.

Tiny cracks of red ooze from the skin, slowly spreading across the fine lines like river.

The red river will finally stop at some point, where the stream stops growing, unless you have a real deep one.



Paper cuts.



That's what I was babbling about.

It's quite a common sucker in my line of profession, where you are involved in the process of doing mock-ups of artworks when necessary.

It happened almost every day during my last job, whereby my company prints namecards, brochures, leaflets, etc. After I print, I was required to cut the print-outs into the intended size.

Imagine the cuts I got from those days. Every day.

Even if I was lucky enough to evade the ruthless attack of the modern papyrus, the blade would think of ways to come and get at me (my hands, to be more exact).

So it was quite common that when the cut wasn't too deep, I wouldn't even realize it until a few days later. I would wonder and instantly guess where I got that from.

I seldom get it on my current job, however.



Now fast forward back to the present, which was a few moments ago.

I was doing a mock-up for a client, therefore the usual cutting, pasting and folding.

After I cut off the excess paper, I pulled it away from underneath to be discarded into the wastebasket.

The edge slid across the flesh between my thumb and index finger.

No feeling of pain yet. But I was too experienced in this and was anticipating the subsequent sting.

Waited.

And waited.

Blood was spreading out. I sucked it.

Still no pain.

More blood.

Okay, I'm going to the sink to wash it. Just let me feel some pain so I know I'm still alive, ok?

Placed the affected area under running water.

Where is the pain?

Gradually, I could feel it coming from under my skin.

Damn.

I still have to finish the mock-up. Red stream was still spreading.
I tore a piece from the toilet roll and wedged it between my thumb and index.

Continued cutting and pasting.

Hate paper cuts.

Gila Monster

It's official.

I'm being deserted on MSN by my friends on August 4, 2006.

No one wanted to speak to me. And when they did, it was just a couple of hmmms and ahhhs. Or else it would be a question they wanted to ask me and after I answered them, they just vanished into thin air without bading me goodbye!

Hrrrmmmpphhh! Am I such a loser?

Yeah, I assume I am for blogging such nonsense.

It was a huge impact on my self-esteem, you know.

The confidence of an innocent little girl crushed at such a young age, what would become of her? Oh, poor darling!

Yeah yeah I know I'm being over-drama-queening here, I know.
Just bear with me for a while more before I wrap up with this mid-life crisis I'm going through ya.

I seriously think I'm going absolutely bonkers. Lately, I keep thinking that someone is having a crush on me. I don't know is it just all in my head or is it real. Geez, it's probably my imagination then.