Have just remembered that I have this blog out of the blue LOL. 

Read my previous post and had a good laugh.

Now that I am so far away from it, I can see it for what it really was.

Well, you live, you learn. And it doesn't matter at what age *LOL AGAIN*

I have to say that I really like my current state of mind.

Not blaming anyone unnecessarily while also not giving them credit for the things that were only borne out of my own imagination.

Truth is, he wasn't as good as I thought he was and definitely not the one. Obviously *CHUCKLE*

Now I don't give a damn anymore.

And that makes me happy ;)

There's something totally vulnerable with hanging your emotions on another person's words. And he had to say no.

I had a hard time accepting that. After meeting him, I came to know that he's everything I ever wanted. 

But there's always a catch, isn't it?
He's all I ever want and need. There's only one thing. 
He can't love me.

I resented him at the time. But I can see it clearly now.
He tried to like me more than what he felt but he just couldn't go past that point.
Even though he isn't the most affectionate person I know, which drives me crazy, but he tried. He really did. I can tell from his actions.

My heart knows all along that I'm gonna get hurt real bad, right from the very beginning. Don't ask me how, it just knows. But we never really listen to our hearts all the time, do we? Especially when your heart is full of feelings for this person right in front of you. So close. So within reach.

"Why does this have to happen to me? Why am I not the one?"

I understand that nothing I say or do is ever gonna get more from his heart. You can't force love out of another after all. I get that. I really do.

The thing that really devastates me is that apart from our family and close friends, no one knows our story. I know it's a good thing since it was extremely shortlived. 

But I can't help feeling like I don't matter. That our relationship feels like a stillborn who never had a chance to see the light of day. Who doesn't have a name and will be soon forgotten along the passage of time. I'm the ex who didn't even make it into his Facebook friends list, let alone his heart.

And now I'm watching chick flicks to mourn for a love that I could have had but never did.

I will get through this. 
I will. I will.
I tell myself. 
Over and over.

What do you do with a broken heart?

I'm mad
So mad

As mad as I like you
Out the window I look
Anger trickles down like bitter dew

You're confused
As you steer the wheels, keeping your eyes on the road

Do you know why I'm so mad?

It's because you made me a promise
It's because I thought you'd keep it
It's because you broke it
It's because I care
It's because I thought you care
It's because I discovered you don't

But most of all,
It's because I like you
A lot
And you don't seem to like me too.

最近活的很累，心累。

挫折感挺重的。

身邊突然蹦出很多鳥人。
（怎麽聼起來像 Pokémon 突然從地底蹦出來的感覺？）

不知道是自己太小心眼，還是事實本就如此。

拼命告訴自己要沉得住氣，直到離開這個環境的一天。

酒醉只會笑的我，現在不知道會不會忍不住眼淚。

感覺我一向無限的樂天都要被消耗殆盡了。

十月的五月天，想必會潰提吧。

平時笑嘻嘻的，好像就悲慘的注定被別人歸類為沒血沒淚一樣。

好久一段時間都沒有自憐自哀了，能把我逼成這樣也算有本事了。

抱怨完畢，繼續前進。

最近有點不習慣別人比較拐彎抹角的説話方式，雖説我一向都蠻能讀懂微表情，但拐彎至少也要說到點上，要不我這種頭腦簡單的生物還當真不明白你要表達的是什麽。

格格不入的感覺又來了。。。

回國以後就也沒什麽特別的事發生。

不像以前，三天兩頭就到不同的城市。

說也奇怪，看的事情多了，反而甘願過很平淡的生活。

並不是要說有多繁華過，只是比小時候想象的，實在經歷了太多太多，而感到幸運。

每天下班后煩惱著晚餐到底要吃什麽，驚覺能為這般微不足道的小事糾結，也是一種幸福。

至少不會像以前在杜拜時，臨睡前胡思亂想、神經質。

現在租來的房間在某些人看來甚至可以用簡陋來形容，我只覺得東西別太多就阿彌陀佛了。

從杜拜搬了近 300 公斤的東西回來，把老爸老媽的家搞的像倉庫。

怕了。

深深體會到，“東西” 太多只是一種累贅，並不會真的更快樂。

東西越多，煩惱越多，簡簡單單就好。

如此思維，都可以退休了我。（再喝口老人茶~）